Despite the Best Laid Plans...

Happy 2012...and I've Moved

2012-01-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

Hi there. I hope 2012 is treating everybody well. After an unplanned hiatus due to...well...life, I've started blogging again. I'm not sure if there is anybody still out there but just in case, here is my new home:

http://seejendoitall.wordpress.com/

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

Oh Sh*t

2011-03-15T13:06:00.001-07:00

It seems that Jillian is a parrot these days.

And it seems that her mommy has a potty mouth.

Oops. Apparently we are entering the phase where we must watch what we say around little ears and wait until after bedtime to catch certain shows or movies. I'm hoping she forgets her new found phrase soon. We'll see about that...

Sleep Deprivation and Me

2011-03-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

I have never been one to handle sleep deprivation well. I become cranky. I drink a lot of caffeine. Probably unsafe levels. I eat a lot of cookies. And I make very little sense. So good luck following this post.

You see I have always placed high value on my sleep. In college, when other students who crammed all night before an exam, I'd go to bed early even if I hadn't finished my preparations. As an adult I have never been a night owl and usually had to drag Jeramy away from parties so I could get some sleep. As a parent, I have always made it a priority to get my kids on a bedtime routine so that I could go to bed at a reasonable hour. (Well and I guess to help instill good sleeping habits in my children...it's not always about me).

So when illness strikes like this past week and I only get a few hours of sleep each night for a week...well...I feel like I morph into some kind of psychopathic bitch. My sole life's purpose becomes finding a way to someway, somehow increase hours of sleep. Preferably consecutive hours.

Sometimes I really feel like I'm alone in this. That if I were a perfect mom, sleep would be unnecessary. I despise reading Facebook posts of new moms that go like this:

"It's so amazing how little sleep I can function on and still be a super, fantabulous mommy. Who needs sleep when I have this darling munchkin in my life!"

In my assessment, these moms are either:

A: Infinitely superior to me

B: Superheroes with the ability to function with no sleep

C: Lying to themselves in hopes that if they say it, it's true

D: Trying to live up to the unattainable perfect mom persona

For the record...I really hate D.

I mean can't we just be honest sometimes? Losing sleep sucks. Changing diaper blow outs sucks. Taking care of sick children sucks. Diffusing a new temper tantrum every 30 minutes sucks. Having your hair pulled by a 10 month old with the strength of Superman sucks.

So when I'm tired and hear other moms drone on and on about their amazing lives, I get cranky. I guess that there are just times that I look around and feel like all I see are perfect moms on FB...perfect moms on blogs...perfect moms on message boards. You know the ones. Skinny. Glowing complexions. Fashionable. With beautifully dressed well-behaved children. Their lives captured in pristine photographs. No worries about money. Whip up gourmet meals every night. Have perfect relationships with their gorgeous and appreciative husbands. Amazingly talented. And always well rested on just one hour of sleep.

*sigh*

It's times like these that I remember that I'm am just not one of those moms. I can't do it all. And right now all I can really manage to do is work on getting these sick kids better and squeeze in a couple hours of sleep. Perfection, it seems, will have to wait.

10 Months Old

2011-02-28T10:17:00.000-08:00

Hayden turned 10 months old yesterday. I can hardly believe it but first birthday planning has already descended upon us! We didn't do much celebrating over the weekend however. She is still as cute and cuddly as ever, but also impossible to hold at times. She scratches, pinches and pulls hair. Then she flails around like she wants down. But you put her down and she cries. Plus anytime she is in your lap, Jillian wants to be there as well. So then Hayden proceeds to pull her sister's hair, which is also not much appreciated. How do you explain to a 2 year old that the baby doesn't know better? Ugh.

Oh and remember a couple weeks ago when we had the stomach flu, and I bragged about how my kids never get sick? It turns our that karma is a bitch. I really should have known better. Last week Jillian began coughing. Then a fever was added into the mix. While Jillian's fever (but not her cough) subsided over the weekend, Hayden started coughing. Now I have two coughing babies and four nights of very little sleep. No amount of caffeine, it seems, can overcome the effects of sleeping in the recliner with a restless baby, which is what I resorted to after waking up ever 30 minutes to comfort Hayden. Her cries have become hoarse, which is perhaps the most pathetic sound in the world.

I am now just clinging to the hope that some time these girls will finally start feeling better and that I'll get some sleep. And that I won't get sick too.

The Joys of a SAHD

2011-02-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

Have you ever left your husband alone with your kids? Do you want to know what happens when you do that day after day? Well it leads to decisions like this on how to dress your 2 year old when Snowpocalypse hits Seattle (aka a couple inches of snow).

Of course Jeramy defending himself well by pointing out that it was Jillian and not him that chose the outfit. And at least she thought to put on a hat.

This and That

2011-02-22T12:51:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed a long weekend for President's Day. On Friday, I got a day off from everything which I spent shopping and having lunch with a friend and then doing some more shopping. Of course much of my shopping time was spent at kids clothing stores buying stuff for the girls. Shopping for cute toddler clothes is downright addictive. Even when I need stuff for myself, I can't help but be drawn in to these places.

On Saturday, Jillian started a parent and tot gymnastics class. If you've read my blog for any length of time then you know exactly how much this is right up her alley. Let's just say that she loved it. I'm pretty sure she didn't stop running the entire class, and watching her with the other kids reinforced exactly how energetic she really is even for a two year old. The hard part was getting her to slow down for the circle times and sing songs with the group...it was glaringly obvious that she is not used to being in any sort of instructional type setting. She's only two, so no big deal. But I think this will be a good thing for her for that reason as well.

Overall it was a fun weekend. I can't really say relaxing...because well that word doesn't really exist in my vocabulary for the time being.

And here are a couple of the latest pictures of the girls. And yes in response to everybody's comments on recent pictures, these two are looking more and more alike.

Cousins

2011-02-17T09:28:00.000-08:00

Just prior to everybody getting sick, my sister and I managed to get a picture of all three girls together in their cousin's t-shirts. Have you ever seen a cuter group of girls? Jillian was sooooo excited about getting to hold Lily. It is amazing how much of a difference nine months makes. Prior to Hayden's arrival she was oblivious to my pregnancy and once she was here Jillian did not seem to notice very much other than adding the word "baby" to her vocabulary. Now at nearly two and a half years old, she is enthralled with babies. She loves to watch them and hold them. Part of it is probably having had a baby sister for some time now, and part of it is probably just an increased level of awareness. She spends much of her play time now putting all her stuffed animals to sleep...an obvious reflection on how Jeramy and I spend our days trying to get her and her sister to sleep I suppose!

P.S. Between my house and my sister's, little Lily was the only one who didn't get the stomach flu!

Sick :(

2011-02-16T12:48:00.000-08:00

We are rarely sick at my house (knocking on wood as I type this). Sure we get a cold or two each season but for the most part the kids and adults in our household seem to be rocking some pretty healthy immune systems. In the 2.5 years since Jillian had been born, neither of my children have had the stomach flu. But that all came to an end this past Monday...

My sister and another friend came over for a play date Saturday morning. We had a fun time and all seemed well. Then on Sunday morning news came that Jaime and her boyfriend had been sick all night. Ugh. By Sunday night it all started at my house when Jillian threw up all over me while sitting on the couch watching TV. I had no idea so much could fit in such a small stomach. I also had no idea how long blueberries and raisins last in your digestive track.

Jillian and I spent the better part of the night together. And then when she seemed to be keeping fluids down again, Hayden started in. And then Jeramy and I weren't feeling so good. It was not pleasant. I so badly wanted to call somebody and have them come take care of all four of us. But then they would get sick too. So we were stuck. And miserable.

It was a lovely Valentine's Day.

By Tuesday we were starting to mend and considering solid foods an option again. I'm back at work today, but not quite 100%.

Being sick sucks. Being sick and having to care for other human beings sucks even harder.

Learning to Speak Jillian

2011-02-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

Jillian's pronounciation leaves a little to be desired. Here was our conversation the other day:

Jillian holding toothbrush: "Butt cheeks".

Me: "Butt cheeks? Are you saying butt cheeks? Why are you talking about your butt?"

Jillian: "Butt cheeks!"

Me: "Are you poopy? No. Why do you keep telling me butt cheeks???"

Jillian still holding toothbrush: "Butt cheeks!"

Me: "What are you trying to say? Are you saying toothpaste?"

Jillian gleefully: "Butt cheeks!"

Me: "Oh you want toothpaste!" I gave her some kids toothpaste.

A few minutes later Jeramy walks in the room.

Me to Jillian: "Tell your daddy how you say toothpaste"

Jillian: "Butt cheeks!"

A Healthy Check-up

2011-02-02T14:42:00.000-08:00

We took Hayden in for her 9 month appointment yesterday. Dr. M declared her a happy and healthy baby girl. The stats are:

Height: 27.5" (50th)

Weight: 21 lbs 10 oz (90th)

Head: 18.25" (95th)

So yeah she continues to be a bit on the chunky side but her rolls are crazy adorable. I'm sure her weight gain will slow down as she continues moving more and more. The poor baby seems to have taken a queue from me in the thighs department. She is a definite pear shape. When Jillian was 9 months, she was the same height but a mere 19 lbs...nearly 3 pounds less. Looking back at pictures she was also a lot more mobile. Hayden can do many of things Jillian was doing at the same age in terms of crawling, pulling up on things and climbing stairs but with much less proficiency. Hopefully Hayden will put off walking a couple more months than her sister as well. Jillian was practically running by her first birthday. I much prefer Hayden's low key style.

Whining About Whining

2011-02-01T14:51:00.000-08:00

Jillian has hit a phase that cannot pass soon enough. Whining. Oh God does this girl have a talent for it. Plus she is persistent. The whining goes on and on and on, and on the really good days becomes an inconsolable temper tantrum. It increases before nap time and bed time, and a sign of a really horrible day is when it starts first thing in the morning. That was today. I was only too happy to ditch the husband and kids for work today. (But before you go feeling too sorry for Jeramy I should point out that the girls had overlapping naps today for two days in a row which never ever happens on a weekend!)

Now don't get me wrong. I love Jillian. The girl is fun and full of personality. I just hate the whining. I think that I could handle it better if there were some logic to it. Time outs now work well for bad behavior but they do nothing for whining. Jillian's communication skills make it worse too. You know she wants something in the kitchen so so so badly, but who knows what the heck it is. Trying to understand Jillian is like trying to understand Charlie Brown's mom. Jeramy is better at it than I am. I'll be standing with the refrigerator door open showing Jillian food options (and be met with no's and whining) and Jeramy will say she wants an apple.

It is also impossible to figure out what sets her whining off into full blown temper tantrums. For example, on Sunday I decided to wash a blanket from the living room (not on of her blankets but just an ordinary blanket). When she saw me put it in the washer she threw a fit. "Noooo Mama. Please mama noooo!!!". I tried explaining that the blanket was dirty, but rationalizing with a two year old is wasted energy. She screamed and she cried and she begged me to stop washing the blanket for a half hour. The only thing that alleviated the situation was serving macaroni and cheese for lunch.

The only thing we have figured out that does work for whining is tricking her into thinking that we gave her what she wants. For example when she kept dropping macaroni and cheese on the floor after the aforementioned tantrum, she'd cry that she wanted me to pick it up so she could eat it. As I don't trust my floors, I'd pretend to put it in her bowl but then stick it in her napkin. At bedtime she asks for more water than what is in the sippy cup in her bed (bad for potty training I know). Instead of giving her more water, which equals wetting through her diaper, I just go out and pretend to get her more. Dishonest, yes. Effective, yes.

I never said that I was above dishonesty.

9 Months

2011-01-27T10:18:00.000-08:00

(this girl loves her doggie!)

Hayden has now been on the outside as long as she was on the inside. It is funny how little things seem to change on a daily basis. But then, when you look back over several months, you realize just how rapid a baby changes. This really hit home last weekend when we visited a friend and her newborn in the hospital. I swear I just blinked and Hayden went from a tiny fragile infant to a chubby, mobile baby.

Hayden continues to prove herself happy and adaptable. This past month has introduced some challenges in the sleep department. I attribute it to hitting big milestones like crawling and pulling herself up. She wakes herself up several times each night practicing crawling in her sleep or becoming restless and unable to calm herself back down. Usually re-inserting her pacifier does the trick, but sometimes she wants to be rocked back to sleep or even occasionally demands a bottle. The bad nights are when Jillian gets up several times and Hayden wakes up several times. The horrible nights are when Hayden's crying wakes Jillian up and I have two tired, crying children to deal with. Thankfully I can hand one off to Jeramy but really folks this is a major reason that I'm not considering a third child.

Naps are another issue. While Hayden doesn't usually get too cranky, she has been resisting naps these days. And when she does take them they are short. I remember with Jillian that this was a difficult age as they want to be awake and experiencing new things rather than sleeping. It also always seems like at least one child is awake at all times with Hayden usually taking two naps and Jillian taking one.

I must admit that I am feeling rather worn out these days. I think that I'm usually getting enough sleep in terms of hours, but with the constant interruptions I never wake up feeling truly rested. Plus there is the weather as winters in Seattle are gray and soggy. The days are short, and I go to work and return home in the dark. During the week it often feels like I'm either working, commuting, caring for children or cleaning and on the weekends its kids, cleaning and laundry all day long. I need to work on finding balance again in life, but as any mom knows that is not always easy. Plus I have had some other stresses piled on me in the past month that I think may be exaggerating my fatigue. It will all get easier some day, I know. I just have to find a way to make it all manageable now so that I can make enjoying my family a priority.

And really, with a baby like Hayden, there is so much to enjoy. I swear she is the baby that makes everybody else want to have babies. What a sweetheart.

They Actually Exist!!!

2011-01-25T15:42:00.000-08:00

My days are pretty predictable: wake-up, get ready, work, make dinner, kids bath/bed routine, clean house, catch a couple minutes of TV and then bed. Weekends are wake-up, get ready, clean house, chase kids, clean house, chase kids, feed kids, nap time, clean house, chase kids, dinner, kids bath/bed routine, clean house, catch a couple minutes of TV and then bed. Wednesdays I get a couple of hours of Jen time (no DH or kids) but otherwise it is work/kids/husband 24/7. Frankly it gets a little exhausting. So when the Seattle area infertility bloggers get together rolled around Saturday night, I must admit that I was pretty damn excited. Sure meeting people who you call your "friends" but have never actually met is a little intimidating. But there would be no husband or kids. And there would be cheesecake.

I must say that we had a fantastic time. I am pretty sure that if there were no other constraints, we might still be chatting each other up right now. It is really an amazing experience to meet somebody whose blog you have read for so long that you feel like you already know them having gone through together the trials of infertility then pregnancy then newborns then toddlers then another pregnancy and then two raising children. What is even more amazing is to find out they are real people and their blogs really reflect them. I spent much of our conversation thinking they totally get me.

And yes, we even got a picture:

Clockwise from lower left Sunny, Ludicrous Mama, me, Katie. Our photographer would like to remain anonymous, but I can tell you she is totally sweet and about to be pregnant when her current first IVF cycle is completed (fingers crossed!!!)

Although I don't blog much about my infertility experience these days, it is still something that is very much a part of me. It was really great to get together with a group of women who have been there and understand that as well as encourage somebody in the midst of treatments. The word on the street is that this will be a get together of some frequency...so Seattle area folks stay tuned! And those outside of Seattle, well you may just want to think of moving here soon!

A New Doo

2011-01-22T07:44:00.000-08:00

When we were about 2 and 4 my little sister and I gave each other hair cuts. We are told that Jaime did a pretty good job on my hair. I on the other hand destroyed hers.

Well...what goes around comes around it seems.

The other day, Jeramy's 4 year old niece decided that Jillian wanted shorter hair.

She gave her bangs. Very short bangs.

And I'm not quite sure what she was trying to do with the side.

An emergency trip to the hairdresser was in order when I got home from work. Not really wanting to chop everything off, I went with an reverse bob, which masks the damage to the side somewhat. The front...well...we just have to wait for it to grow out I guess.

Entering 2011 with Perspective

2011-01-19T10:12:00.000-08:00

So yeah...I haven't been the greatest blogger lately. The holidays really got the better of me. I had grand ideas of doing it all: baking cookies, mounds of presents for the girls, a sparkling clean house, hosting guests with flair and style. What I ended up with was gaining 5 pounds from eating cookie dough, ridiculous amounts of toy packaging garbage, toys flung across the entire house and hosting guests in my pajamas. Perhaps I need to be more realistic about what is really achievable.

I had a week off between Christmas and New Years which I planned to spend contemplating lofty goals for 2011. Instead, I was reminded that despite all my planning, there are truly very few aspects of life that are in my control. Hmmm...despite the best laid plans...doesn't that sound familiar. It seems that the only thing I can control in life is how I respond to situations or people. So for this year, I'm just going to focus on being the best me that I can be. And that doesn't involve long lists of resolutions or beating myself up when I inevitably fall sort. It just involves taking every day step by step and trying to remember to make the best of every moment.

In other news:

Hayden is an official crawler. Jeramy convinced her to do it by placing Gerber puffs in front of her. She is quite food motivated you see. She began as the Frankenstein of crawling, but is becoming more agile every day. Last week she even pulled herself up on the living room ottoman. My husband thinks this is all wonderful. I think it would have been find to let the whole mobility thing wait until the age of 18 or so.
Related to this, my floors are impossibly dirty.
Related to this, it is very hard to keep small objects out of the hands of an 8 month old when a two year old also lives in your home.
Jeramy is still home with the girls. He hopes this may change one day soon with the promise of some work on the horizon. Unfortunately it is work that is an hour away at half the pay. Despite this he seems to be looking forward to this prospect, as it seems that life as a SAHD isn't exactly full of bon bons and naps.
I celebrated my 33rd birthday by hiring a maid service to come clean my house. Best gift ever.
Jillian is quite the talkative little girl these days. I only understand about 3% of what she says, but that increases to 6% when Jeramy interprets for her.
I'm finding that 2 is an easier age in terms of discipline. She actually gets the concept of time out, will stand in the corner by herself (usually) and the poor behavior usually stops afterward (for maybe 5 minutes).
I'm finding that 2 sucks in terms of whining over everything. She wants to sit in my lap for dinner. Sissy is playing with her toy. Best of all are the situations where I cannot figure out what she is unhappy about.
I'm becoming a very proficient with coupons in my efforts to save money given Jeramy's job situation.
I'm really looking forward to the Seattle area IF blogger get together on Saturday!

I really have missed blogging and connecting with others. So in 2011 I really hope to get back into the writing routine. Oh wait, that sounds like a resolution, and I'm not going to make those.

Hey There Seattle Bloggers

2010-12-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

I know you guys are all dying to meet me. And here is your opportunity!

And well if you don't want to meet me, Sunny for Sunny in Seattle and Katie from Taking the Statistical Bullet will be there, and they are way cooler and funnier than me! Hope to see you guys there!!!

I'm Dreaming of a White...Thanksgiving

2010-11-23T15:43:00.001-08:00

Panic has ensued Seattle because not only has it snowed in our city of hills and few snow tires but it isn't even Thanksgiving yet for the love of God. And by snowed in I mean 5 inches at my house. Snow prior to Turkey Day hasn't happened in 25 years. Oh and predicting the weather around here is sort of like trying to get rich by winning the lottery. Luckily I figured out that their prediction of .25" of snow was inaccurate in time to get out of the city before everybody else. I have many friends who spent until the wee hours of the morning commuting home. Today is a snow day because not only are the roads bad but everybody needs a mental health break from that traffic jam. We are certainly enjoying the break at my house!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T09:39:00.000-08:00

October 2008

October 2010

Um...hi

2010-11-09T14:36:00.001-08:00

So yeah, it's been a few weeks. I'm sorry. Because I know my readership has been refreshing every few seconds just aching for an update from me.

Oh...what's that? You've haven't even noticed that I've been gone? And you don't think a couple people with my blog in their Google Reader counts as "readership"? Yeah, yeah, I get the point.

Anyhow, much has been happening at my house these days. Jeramy went hunting, which meant a week of being a single mom. On the plus side the house was much cleaner when I got home each day because my MIL would take those messy kids to her house after they woke up. On the negative side, a two year old and six month old do not provide for very stimulating conversation. Unless you enjoy discussing the merits of Elmo. In which case you would find out discussions enthralling.

Then this happened:
Just a couple days early (and after an early labor that stretched out over three days) my niece Lily Marie arrived. She was just a petite thing at just 6 lbs 5 oz and 18.5" long. The delivery went smoothly, and I have to admit it was pretty amazing to witness and Jaime handled labor like a champ. Lily has been growing like a weed since then. I think her lowest weight was 6 lbs 2 oz and she is now 7 lbs 3 oz. I'm such a proud auntie!

The day after Lily's arrival Hayden turned 6 months old. Half a year. Seriously. She remains the worlds sweetest baby even if chewing on your finger and pulling your hair are her favorite activities. She also seems to have forgotten how to suck her thumb, and cries out hourly for me to come and reinsert her pacifier each night. Sleep in one hour increments is not quite as satisfying, but this is far better than actually having to feed her at some point during the night. That would require much more than walking down the hall in back in a zombie like state. She has mastered rolling from back to front, but is not very good from front to back. At least she is getting more and more content with tummy time because the whole flipping her back over every 15 seconds thing was getting old. She can sit up, but she is not nearly as steady at Jillian at the same age. She tends to fling herself backwards and seems much more pre-occupied with standing than sitting.

And just in case anybody worried that Lily got a knitted blanket but Hayden did not, never fear. It may have taken me many, many months to complete it but here is pictoral proof that this blanket does exist.

She loves Sophie the Giraffe given to her by Aunt Jaime

Then there was Halloween. Jillian was a Monkey (very appropriate) and Hayden a Lady Bug, and hot damn if they weren't the cutest Trick-or-treaters ever. Well at least Jillian was with her "tank yous" and "bye byes". Hayden was passed out in the stroller. The best part was that...finally...after a two decade hiatus...Jeramy and I got to go begging door to door for candy once again. Only this time we had an adorable set of girls as bait. Our house is in a rural area, so we drove a couple miles down the road to a fancy neighbor hood with houses several times the price of ours where many of the homes were all decked out in Halloween decor. These folks handed out the good candy (no tootsie rolls and crap as Jeramy said) and some even had full sized candy. And maybe...just maybe...we had a few items from Jillian's take that evening. We wouldn't want her too jacked up on sugar after all. Man oh man, are we responsible parents with our priorities entirely in order.

Don't they look bored?

After fattening them up with candy (well Jillian at least as I've heard that giving babies Reeses and Milky Ways if frowned upon) we took them both in for their 2 year and 6 month check-ups. Both were pronounced healthy specimens of children and both screamed mightily upon receiving their shots. As suspected, Hayden is gaining on Jillian in terms of weight and I'm a little nervous that she may overtake her at some point defeating the entire purpose of hand-me-downs. Here are the official stats:

Jillian
Height: 34.25" (50th)
Weight: 27 lbs 4 oz (65th)
Head: 20.5" (100th)

Hayden
Height: 27" (80th)
Weight: 19 lbs 3 oz (95th)
Head: 18" (100th)

My doctor is feeling a little reassured by the fact that both of my children appear to have enormous heads (thanks to their Daddy). As for the weight Hayden is a fatty, but I find it a little hard to believe that Jillian's weight is in the 65th percentile. She seems a little on the small side to me in comparison with other kids her age.

In Jillian related news, she has recently taken to hiding from us. She isn't very good at it, I'm afraid as she always chooses the same spot behind the ottoman. And some body part is always sticking out for us to see. I try to play along though and say "where's Jillian???".

She has taken a little more notice of her little sister lately, and often times tries to physically insert herself between me and the baby when she sits on my lap. Hayden certain notices Jillian and finds her very interesting even if she does steal all the toys and call everything "mine". I'm looking forward to the day the girls can play happily together. Okay, okay...I would just settle for play together.

There is more to share as we head into the holidays. I've been learning to knit two socks at one time saving me from "second sock syndrome". And I've been learning how to cut our grocery budget in half as part of Operation Learn How to Live on one Income. So look forward some posts on knitting and savings!

2010-10-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

The other weekend we went to a local park to meet up with our photographer Keren Fenton who always does a fabulous job taking pictures of our family. Yesterday my CD of pictures arrived in the mail. I was a little nervous to take a look at the results from our session, because Jillian was quite the pill. In fact, this picture highlights her attitude for the better part of the hour:

Please note I'm wearing my "grin and bear it" expression.

I love that Keren included that photo for me. She my know of my love for pictures of my eldest daughter crying.

However her talent never ceases to amaze me, and she captured some downright beautiful shots. I love the girls bright hand knit sweaters and big blue eyes in combination with the warm fall colors. And even if Jillian can't be caught with a smile on her face, her sister wins photogenic baby of the year.

And yes, I knit the sweaters myself! I made them last winter/spring. I posted about Jillian's here but never wrote about Hayden's sweater. They are the Helena pattern from Knitty and they were such fun to knit up. I used Duets yarn, dyed by my friend Angi. I made one for each girl with hopes that they would fit in the fall, and luckily it worked out! I was worried that Hayden's would be too big, but then she turned out to be a big girl! You can find them here and here on Ravelry.

Dream Catcher Blanket

2010-10-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

This is also posted over at The Terrible Knitters of Kent, which is a new knitting blog started by gals in my knitting group.

When my sister told me that she had gotten a positive pregnancy test my first thought was "Woohoo, I'm gonna be an aunt!!!" My second thought was "What am I going to knit?"

Once she found out the baby was a girl, I set out to find the perfect project for sweet Lily. I was determined to be realistic about the amount of time I had available for a project...I did have two girls under two to attend to. But then I saw the Dream Catcher blanket pattern by Susan Anderson on Ravelry and my ideals of simple were tossed aside for time consuming yet adorable.

Well if I couldn't achieve realistic, I figured that I could at least make the project affordable. So I ordered some Knit Picks Swish (worsted superwash merino wool) in darker jeweled tones. When the box arrived, I opened it full of anticipation...but then disappointment consumed me. The colors were darker and more muted than I expected. Too make matters worse, I had just seen a picture of the Pottery Barn Brooke bedding Jaime had chosen. Comparing such beautiful spring colors to the dreary tones in the box just depressed me. I decided right then to screw affordable; so I loaded Hayden up in the car and headed to the local yarn shop.

At the yarn store I found exactly the yarn called for in the pattern, Spud and Chloe Sweater (superwash wool/cotton blend) and fell in love. Seeking to match Jaime's bedding choice, I picked the watermelon, splash, grass, pollen and firefly colorways...two skeins as the one skein called for in the pattern seemed completely inadequate (which turned out to be correct as about 1.5 skeins of each color was required).

Infatuated with my yarn selection, I headed home where I discovered that my choices exactly matched what was called for in the pattern. Hmmmm...that isn't exactly creative. So I decided to spice my pattern up by coming up with an arrangement that incorporated all seven different squares in all of the different colors rather than just making each pattern in one color. Plus I decide to stretch myself with a crochet border. Oh yeah. I really know how to live life on the edge.

I found that the one advantage of the project is that squares are portable. I worked on them during a couple road trips we had for weddings. I worked on them during a break in the middle of a motorcycle trip. I even managed to get a little done in my vanpool as the van tends to be emptier during the summer time (other riders don't want my elbows in their sides). Don't get me wrong...25 squares do seem to take forever. And I wasn't very happy when, four squares in, I lost my outline of how all these squares were supposed to come together and had to figure it out again from scratch. I also wasn't too thrilled to have to re-do my first blackberry square (the most difficult but prettiest pattern) when I realized that casting on the 32 stitches called for made it too big because of all the increases involved (28 worked for me). But somehow by the end of August, I managed to achieve this:

After washing and blocking, the fun part began: seaming. Oh God, I thought it was never going to end. Each night after girls were in bed I'd sit down at the dining room table and stitched squares together. It was tedious and not at all conducive to any sort of fun activity like T.V. watching due to how the table and television are positioned.

The only thing I could find to break up the monotony was contemplating all of the border possibilities. I had bought this book of crocheted borders, and although it looks like something straight from 1985 it is really quite good and very comprehensive. Each border includes a schematic sketch, which I found incredibly helpful as I am primarily a knitter. Crochet stitches aren't complicated, but I find interpreting the patterns to be completely frustrating.

And finally the blanket was stitched together. And a weekend later the border was done. And by the day before the baby shower it was done blocking. Ahhh...sweet success.

Probably the best part of all was the smile on my sister's face when she opened her present. I can't wait for Lily to arrive (soon, I hope!) and try her new blanket out.

Sigh...She's Two

2010-10-08T09:45:00.001-07:00

My Jillian turned two yesterday. I'm admittedly a little sad but excited all at once. It seemed like just yesterday she was this:

And now she is this:

It is hard to get a picture of her face these days as she is always on the move. Running and jumping. Saying no. Giving hugs and kisses. Greeting me in the evenings with "Hi Mama!" Biting her tongue when she concentrates like I do. Entertaining her little sister. Saying "Tank you". Putting her socks in her shoes after she takes them off. Stripping all her clothes off and jumping on the trampoline outside. Drinking out of a cup without a lid. Not eating your own food but then insisting on having a "bite" of whatever daddy or I eat. Insisting on filling Cujo's bowl with food whether he needs it or not. Reading books. Watching Elmo. Cuddling.

Life is such an adventure with you Jillian. I am privileged to be called your mom for the past two years.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-29T11:46:00.001-07:00

5 Months

2010-09-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Hayden,

You are just shy of a half a year old, and it is amazing how much you have grown. As I lug you around this house I think back of that tiny newborn I held just months ago. You are well over twice that size now, and really gaining on your older sister. If she doesn't watch out, she'll be wearing your hand-me-downs someday soon!

You learned how to get that pesky arm out of your way and roll over from back to front on Saturday. The problem, it seems, is that you do not much care for being on your belly but have forgotten how to roll from front to back. Pretty soon though you will discover that tummy time has its advantages in terms of ease of movement, and then my life of leisure will evaporate. Mobility has its downsides, I'm telling you. Listen to your mommy on this one.

You also don't care much for sitting these days. Whether in my lap or in the bumbo, you arch your back wanting to stand up. You enjoy the jumperoo quite a lot although you are not as much of a jumper in comparison to your sister. The toys are nice though. And if you are really lucky, Jillian will come over and "help" you jump. That is always good for a few laughs.

You are quite ticklish around your neck. Oh and you have discovered your voice from adorable coos to wild screams. It is a little difficult to tell if you are happy or sad sometimes. You help us figure it out eventually though!

My dear Hayden, you really are the sweetest baby. I would keep you like this always if I could.

Love,

Mom

Baby Shower

2010-09-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, my sister's friend Lauren and I got to throw her baby shower. I think that I was more excited to throw a shower for somebody else than I was for my own! It was a very relaxed and fun shower, and I think that everybody had a good time. Only a month left until Lily's due date...so hard to believe!

Lauren, Jaime and I

The diaper cake I constructed after watching YouTube videos. The shoes, while completely impractical for a newborn, are crazy cute.

The coconut cake Lauren ordered from Whole Foods. It is, perhaps, the best cake ever! I saved WW points all week for this cake.

Lily's first Seahawks clothes! Now if only we could forget about last week's game...

A cousins onesie for Lily. Jillian and Hayden wore their matching shirts to the shower. I have a dream of getting a picture of all three of them in their shirts. Uh yeah, we'll see how well that goes!

I ordered the most adorable piggy bank from AndrewandElla Designs off etsy.com. It was hand painted to match the bedding set Jaime chose. On the other side it says Lily. I got the customized piggy bank idea from my friend Jenny who got one for Hayden. Jillian has one on order to, as she broke the cheap one we got her from Target. *sigh*

The blanket I knitted for Lily also to match her room. It is the Dreamcatcher pattern by Susan B. Anderson. I'll try to remember to do a post just on making this blanket, because it really deserves one.

Jillian made friends during the shower. Here she and Peyton are bouncing on the ottoman. I love the look on my grandmother's face in the background.

Great Grandma Gene and Hayden

There is one seriously cute baby bump. Compare this to the size she was just a few months back.

Jaime with her friends Jamie, Allison, Jeana and Lauren. These girls have been friends since high school!

Jaime and her practice baby. Of course using Hayden (aka the easiest baby on earth) for practice is entirely misleading.

Oh and thanks Jeramy for deciding to pick up that external flash on a whim when buying my portrait lens. It makes for awesome indoor pics!

Losing It

2010-09-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

You might notice a new ticker in the corner. I'm losing it. Weight that is, and not my sanity. Although some days it may feel like both.

I have a lot of weight to lose, and I'm going to bare all the facts to you. I don't like to beat around the bush. I was 140 lbs at my lowest weight as an adult, and that was in 2004. Then I started grad school while working full-time and gained a lot of weight. After I finished I grad school, I tried to get pregnant which didn't go so well, and I gained weight. Then I actually got pregnant, and gained weight. And then I got pregnant again, and gained some more. After Hayden's birth, my weight leveled off around 225 lbs. Not good.

I am an emotional eater. What ever negative feeling I might have whether it be upset or boredom, I address by eating. I've reached the point where I'm feeling very unhealthy and unattractive. Even worse, I'm setting a bad example for my girls.

I have lost weight before by counting calories and cutting back on portion sizes. I don't believe in fad diets or self deprivation. It is about changing eating habits. This time around it has been very difficult for me to gain the momentum needed to start losing weight. I would count calories for a day or two, "mess up", get depressed, and eat some more rather than get back on the saddle.

Needing to do something different, I joined weight watchers online. I'm cheap, so I figured that if I was paying for it, I would make an effort to stick with it. Plus I'm telling everybody around me what I am doing so they can hold me accountable. Because I hate to say I am doing something and then not do it. So far this approach seems to be working, and I have lost 5 lbs in a couple of weeks. I fully expect my weight loss to slow down a bit to the recommended 1-2 pounds a week. It always seems to come off quicker at the very beginning of a diet.

I'm feeling better already. It is strange but even though I haven't lost much weight yet, just eating healthier leaves me feeling skinnier.

23 Months

2010-09-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Jillian,

It is so hard for me to believe that we are only a month away from your second birthday. So close in fact that I have stopped referring to you in months, because somehow saying 23 months sounds silly. Instead I say my almost-two-year-old, but of course that kind of sounds silly too. I could just keep it simple and say my two year old, but I can't quite do it. God knows that it would be a pretty accurate statement, as it feels like we are in the terrible two's already.

These days our biggest challenge is that your cognitive skills haven't caught up with your motor skills. You have learned to jump, but don't yet understand that jumping on the couch is not appropriate. You know where your ears are, but don't realize that jamming a Q-tip in them will hurt. You know how to take off all clothes (onesies and diapers included) and love to be naked. Unfortunately you don't yet understand the concept of the potty despite our efforts, and so you pee on the floor. You are bringing back memories of housetraining Cujo, and let me tell you that was a very stressful time for me that I'd rather not repeat.

You love your baby sister very much. You call her "baby" and "sissy". When we ask you who Hayden is you point to her, but you will not say her name. If we start the bath, you will grab Hayden's tub so that she can join you. You love your baby doll, and we often find you feeding her a bottle, swinging her (rather roughly) in the swing, or setting her in the bouncy seat or jumperoo. Last night when I put you in your crib you handed your baby to me. Apparently you do not co-sleep.

95% of the time you are a walking disaster. Your face is dirty. Your hair is wild. Water has been poured down your front side because you insist on drinking from our cup or water bottle with no help from mom or dad thankyouverymuch. Food stains are everywhere. I refuse to buy white clothes, and in fact I'm not sure why they make anything white for toddlers at all. You have recently learned to wash your hands, so maybe this situation will improve at some point.

Daddy calls you a walking techno because you are always on the move. Despite that you are a snuggler too offering hugs and kisses to everybody around you. My favorite times are when you are tired and snuggled up in my lap watching TV. Before you were born I could never have comprehended how much I enjoy holding you and loving you.

The one thing I ask of you is that perhaps you could cooperate a little more when I'm taking pictures, so I get fewer photos like this:

Love,

Mom

She's a Fatty

2010-09-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

Jeramy took Hayden in for her 4 month check-up and shots last week. I suspected that she's a big girl since she is nearly in size 3 diapers and in size 6-9 month clothing, and the stats confirmed it:

Height: 25.75" (90th percentile)
Weight: 16 lbs 12 oz (95th percentile)
Head circumference: 17.25 (100th percentile)

Not only is she bigger than Jillian was at 4 months, she is a little bigger than Jillian at 6 months (she was 25.75" and 16 lbs 7 oz). When putting tights on her the other day, I threatened that what she really needed were some spanx! She has some serious thunder thighs and fat rolls. And yeah, I'm more than a little jealous that she makes it look cute whereas I make it look...well...not so cute.

She tolerated tummy time long enough the other day to show us that she is fully capable of rolling from front to back, and I can tell that rolling back to front will come as soon as she can move that pesky arm out of the way.

Oh my...it is going by way to fast.

Nearing the end of Summer Weekends

2010-08-30T14:52:00.000-07:00

It is the last day of August and the weather is already starting to feel colder here in Seattle. Today it is gray and soggy. I sure hope that fall hasn't arrived early because summer is so short here and the months of gray seem to stretch on and on. On the bright side, the promise of cooler temperatures managed to lure my grandpa (D-daddy) and uncle up from Alabama for a long weekend. We haven't seen them since we visited when Jillian was just six months old, so between her growth (she couldn't even crawl then), the arrival of Hayden, and the expected great granddaughter #3 in a couple of months there had been a few changes.

Despite the cooler temperatures, the rain held off long enough for a BBQ at my Aunt's house on Sunday. It was sure good to catch up even if it meant that Jillian only got a 5 minute nap all day long (ugh). The highlight of the evening was when Jeramy delivered the enormous bottle of scotch that D-daddy bought from our friends who were moving. He loves his scotch, and this bottle was so big that it required a cradle for pouring.

Hopefully we can visit again before all these girls have graduated high school!

D-daddy and his scotch

Hayden napping on Aunt Jaime with cousin Lily kicking her from the inside

My Uncle Bob and the girls. Jillian wasn't too cooperative about pictures but if Hayden does it, she often will too.

Hayden and her great Uncle Bob

Hayden and D-daddy. Well to her maybe he is "great D-daddy"

Jillian and D-daddy

Jaime and her practice baby Hayden...a deceivingly easy practice baby

Jaime and D-daddy

She's getting big!

A tired Jillian looking to watch some Elmo

She loves herself some ranch dip.

Once we got home we caved and let her watch Sesame Street before bed

4 Months

2010-08-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Hayden,

No matter how many times I witness it, I will never get over the growth trajectory of a newborn. It is truly amazing how much you have grown and changed over the past four months as the below picture with your newly arrived friend Michael demonstrates. It is true that you had a few pound advantage from the beginning. But still you look like an absolute giant compared to him. A completely adorable giant that is.

This past month you have continued to prove yourself to be the most easy-going baby that ever lived. You rarely fuss and share your huge gummy grins often. You think daddy is funny. You think I'm funny. You even sometimes think your big sister is funny. When your smile breaks out, your eyes light up with indescribable happiness.

Now the next part I hesitate to say out loud. And really, if any other baby mommies are reading, I suggest they skip the next paragraph. It seems that you have decided that sleeping through the night would be a great thing to start doing. So great, in fact, that I don't remember you waking up between 9pm and 7am at all this past month. In fact, if you could train your older sister to sleep as well as you do it would be much appreciated. I can even put you in your crib sleepy but awake, and you *gasp* fall asleep. At not even four months old you have attained the holy grail of baby sleep. In truth I expect this to blow up in my face any second now. It just doesn't feel normal for a baby to sleep as well as you do. But for now I will just count my blessings, keep my fingers crossed, knock on wood, search for a four leafed clover and quit speaking of this on my blog.

I owe some of my thanks for your good sleep to your thumb. Yes, my dear, you are quite the thumb sucker. You seemed to show a penchant for your thumb from the time you were in the womb with your head crammed up against my cervix and your hands always in your face. Upon your exit, I noticed that you possessed the ability to bring your hand to your face, which was very impressive for a newborn. At first you sucked on your hand. Now it is your thumb. I'll often see you wiggling on the video monitor when I'm up in the middle of the night with Jillian, and then a while later I'll see you sleeping with your thumb in your mouth. I'm sure that my excitement over this habit will change years down the road when the orthodontic bills arrive. But really, genetics were not on your side in that teeth department anyhow.

Daddy does complain to me that you do not nap very well for him during the day. It is true that you are a bit of a cat napper at this stage. Certainly no real pattern has emerged in your daily schedule. It doesn't bother me much though because (1) I'm at work all day so it is his problem and (2) you are happy and pleasant to be around no matter how much you do or do not nap.

I think you will be rolling over from back to front soon. When laying on your play mat, you can get all the way up on your side to play with a toy. I suspect that you might be capable of rolling from front to back now, but you dislike tummy time too much to find out. Despite the lack of rolling, you have found other ways to move. A few weeks ago I noticed you were off the play mat, and I reprimanded your sister for moving you. Five minutes later it happened again. I reprimanded her again. Then she went outside. Five minutes later it happened again. That is when it finally clicked in my brain that you were using your legs to propel yourself backwards. Oops! Poor Jillian. Getting in trouble for the things her sister did.

Hayden we are truly lucky to have you for our little girl, and in closing I will share this parade of your smiles so that people can see just how much you light up our lives.

Love,

Mom

I Hate this Guy

2010-08-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

Why do little kids think Elmo is the shiz-nit? For the life of me I cannot figure this out. He is the most moronic monster on Sesame Street, can only refer to himself in the third person, has an unhealthy obsession with his goldfish and yet he is like toddler crack. About a month ago, the Elmo addiction invaded our house. Prior to this Jillian could care less about TV unless Wheel of Fortune or the Sleep Country USA commercial was on (she seriously loves that commercial for some unknown reason). Now, at least a dozen times a day, she brings us the TV remote saying "Elmo, Elmo!" Smart kid. She knows that we have episodes recorded. The second we start directing the TV to the DVR screen showing Big Bird she screams with delight. Then it's "Elmo" this and "Elmo" that. Until Abby the flying fairy comes on. For some inexplicable reason Jillian detests Abby. She'll say "No! Abby no! Arrrghhh! Abby no!" and then she'll bring you the remote again demanding that you fast forward past the Abby segment.

We only have about a dozen episodes of Sesame Street recorded so Jeramy and I know them all. We can sing along with the songs. We know the words, numbers and letters of the day. We know the names of all the monsters. Even worse, we know the names of all the people too. We know all the different segments (personally, I like Murray Had a Little Lamb). My God...I didn't even get this much SS watching in when I was three.

Being such responsible parents and paying close attention to all that research admonishing TV for children under two, we have tried widening her television show repertoire to no avail. Any time the TV is on she wants "Elmo" and we either need to distract her, ignore a fit or cave. How about Clifford? Or Dora? Or Sponge Bob? But all I hear is "No, Elmo!"

*sigh*

This is one phase I could do without. At least Hayden is happy to watch whatever I want to see on TV.

Not Enough Hours in the Day

2010-08-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'm looking at the date on my phone at work and it says 8/24/2010. Seriously? Late August? When the hell did that happen? Life is moving at a frantic pace. I have been back at work for a month now. New projects are invading my weekday hours; chasing, feeding and bathing two small children consumes my evening hours; while friends, family, birthdays and BBQs take over on the weekend. Summer time is busy in Seattle. We must take advantage of the sunshine before the endless months of gray skies and drizzle arrive.

So yeah, it is back to being a working mom for me and a stay at home dad for Jeramy. We had three months of togetherness as a family of four which will probably never happen again in our lives. We went to two zoos, met up for play dates, and enjoyed a multitude of Costco runs. And on weekends there still were the friends, family, birthdays and BBQs. Plus I spent the better part of my leave at the dentist getting a root canal and two fillings and the vet for Cujo's endless ear problems. I sort of thought of it all as some quality "me time".

Upon my arrival back at work, people emphasized with me about how excruciating it must be to have to leave my girls every day. I nodded my head, smiled and thought of Jeramy at home dealing with the diaper blow-outs and temper tantrums. Perhaps I could be a stay at home mom, but the lot of working mom isn't necessarily so horrible either. Nobody ever laments over new fathers when they go back to work. Can't a woman be happy to return to work and still be a good mom? I get mixed messages from society on that one.

We celebrated Jeramy's 32nd birthday at the beginning of the month and then our 12th anniversary on Sunday. Soon it will be Jillian's 2nd birthday and then Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then Hayden's 1st birthday. *sigh* I just wish time would slow a little bit.

Until the next post, I leave you with some highlights from our summer...

22 Months

2010-08-09T18:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Jillian,

It is hard to believe that it is already time to start planning for your second birthday. It seems like such a short time has passed since I saw that first positive pregnancy test. And now you have already been in our lives for not one but two years. The acceleration of time that has occurred since your birth is downright frightening.

That is not to say that this whole parenthood thing has been easy. On the contrary, I often find myself thinking that you have been sent into my life to develop my much lacking patience with your increasing independence. You certainly think that you are the boss of all of us these days with your constant orders to me, your dad, your sister and especially the dog. Just yesterday you brought the TV remote to me and commanded, "Elmo, Elmo" and cried when I left it on Hoarders. It isn't that I don't love you sweetheart. I really do. I just can't stand to watch that annoying red monster and his idiot friend Mr. Noodle over and over again.

I must admit that there are days I fear you will turn into the most ill-behaved demon child to walk this earth. This is not to say that I think you are bad. It is just that you have so much personality and so much energy that I really must limit my battles with you to pinching, biting, hitting and maintaining a bedtime that keeps me sane and you reasonably well rested. So when we stayed in a hotel the other night I let you jump from bed to bed (and yeah maybe you bonked your head). And it does seem like you spend more time in Hayden's swing and bouncy seat than she does. And I pretty much ignore your ear piercing screams, because really you might have a future in horror movies someday given the pitches your voice is capable of reaching. And it seems that nearly every day I wind up ignoring at least one all-out twenty minute long temper tantrum caused by reasons completely unknown to me. Can we just agree to disagree sometimes my dear Jillian?

Luckily for you, it is universally agreed that you are one of the most adorable toddlers in the universe. Which means you can get away with a lot. Plus you are extremely social and meet everybody you see with a "hi", "bye" and best of all "thank you". Everywhere we go I am told how sweet you are. And when I respond "try living with her" all I receive are skeptical looks.

But if I am to be serious for a moment, no matter how trying the tantrums and crying can be, you are completely worth it. The hugs, smiles and cuddles I get from you make me smile from head to toe even on the worst of days. Your exuberant personality is encompassing. I just try to remind myself that all the traits will lead you to become a strong and independent woman down the road. Obstinance will develop into persistence. The "no's" and "stops" will become firm opinions.

In the meantime I will keep watching you learn. Whether it is making our first batch of cookies together (your "tank you's" whenever I let you pour a cup of something in the bowl were adorable) or reading book after book after book or singing "itsy, bitsy spider" for the millionth time, it is so exciting to watch you grow and see your face light up with excitement. You and your sister and your daddy are and will always be the best things that ever happened to me.

Love,

Mom

Sibling Rivalry

2010-08-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

Aaaahhhh! They look so cute together. And yet there is contention in the ranks these days.

Jillian has reached an age where she cannot say very many words but always has an opinion. She has discovered that while her verbal capabilities are limited, she can couple words with physical action and pointing to express herself. There have been some rather amusing incidents lately where she has used this approach to show us her dissatisfaction with our attentions to her little sister. For example:

This morning around 7:00am at work, I received a call from Jeramy. He had just gotten Hayden out of bed. Apparently Jillian did not think this was a good idea and pushed him with the baby back into Hayden's bedroom and demanded that he put the "baby" back into bed. When he set her down she pulled him back out into the living room. Obviously he had to get the baby who was hungry, so Jillian's demands could not be satisfied for very long. He called me so that I could hear the complete meltdown she was having over it. I'm sorry Jillian but we cannot leave Hayden locked away in her bedroom forever. I hope you understand one day.

One evening after work I was alone with both girls. Jillian patted Hayden's play mat and said "baby, baby". I set Hayden down on the mat and Jillian proceeded to take my hand and had me sit down in the recliner where we feed the baby. She climbed into my lap, gave me her sippy cup, and laid down wanting me to feed it to her like I do with her sister's bottles. I must admit that I complied...it was too cute not to.

So yeah, she is a little jealous. It doesn't bother me much. Given her personality, it is probably a good thing for Jillian to get used to sharing early in life.

Aunt Jen

2010-08-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty excited because I'm about to become an Aunt very soon. Technically, I am already an Aunt as my SIL has a daughter and my stepbrother has children. However now that my sister is pregnant, I'm really going to be an Auntie, and I must say that I'm more than a little excited about Lily Marie's impending arrival in late October.

Growing up, Jaime and I did not have cousins our own age. At family gatherings it was just the two of us, which was a bit boring as we already had our fill of playing with each other. When my brother came along he had cousins his age on both sides of our family, and we were just a tad jealous. Being only a couple years apart in age, I always hoped that Jaime and I might have children around the same age, but for a while that was looking unlikely. So now that it is actually happening, I am over the moon. Between us we will have three little girls who I can't wait to see growing up together.

Right now I am planning her baby shower along with her best friend. I think I might be more excited about her shower than I was my own! Oh and I did I mention she is the cutest pregnant lady ever?

I love you Jaime! We can't wait to meet Miss Lily in a few months!

Jillian and Hayden...a Pictoral Comparison

2010-07-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

It seems like I'm always getting the comment that Jillian and Hayden look absolutely nothing alike. Certainly there are differences, but I'm not sure they look quite as dissimilar as people think because they are comparing Jillian now to Hayden and not Jillian 18 months ago to Hayden. So here are a few pictures for comparison's sake:

Jillian (9 weeks)

Hayden (12 weeks)

Jillian (13 weeks)

Hayden (11 weeks)

Different but similar is how I'd describe their features.

3 Months

2010-07-27T15:13:00.001-07:00

Today marks the 1/4 of a year mark for Miss Hayden. She is so little, and yet I'm feeling nostalgic already. As I'm not planning to have any more children (well we know how well my plans work out, but that is not the point), I find myself thinking but I'll never have a baby this little again. And she is such a sweet and easy baby. She is precisely the type of baby that sweetly deceives couples into trying for one of their very own, only to have them feeling disillusioned when they are up night after night for weeks on end trying to soothe their colicky, fussy infant. It really is best that she be my last. That way I can spend the rest of my life condescendingly offering young women advice on how best to raise their newborns and raising my eyebrows in disbelief when they describe the trials of new motherhood with only the memories of Hayden fresh in my mind and the memories of Jillian buried in the corners of my once sleep deprived brain.

As you can see Hayden is all smiles these days. She does not smile on command for the camera as her sister would, but instead offers the most adorable grins when only I am there to treasure them. Other times she seems to have a wide-eyed look of near terror on her face as if she suddenly realizes that these crazy people surrounding her are indeed her family.

I went back to work late last week, and while I miss my little pumpkin, I did not cry. I'm not really the sort that cries over this sort of thing as (1) I like my paying job and (2) two under two is a much tougher job that I'm more than happy to pass on to my now weary husband. Life has pretty much returned to normal or at least our new state of normal. Our weekends are jam packed this summer with weddings, birthdays and other fun outings that I may one day manage to post pictures of. Luckily Hayden is quite accepting of our busy lifestyle and is happily transported in her car seat anywhere at anytime. If only Jillian were so flexible.

Speaking of Jillian, she continues to be quite happy with her new little sister. Mostly because Hayden contentedly watches her older sister's constant performances as she attempts (and succeeds) at being the center of attention at all times. Any of my relatives would tell you that the dynamic exactly mirrors that of me and my younger sister. Occasionally I have spotted a little jealousy in Jillian like the other day when she demanded that I place the "baby" on her play mat and then sit in the recliner and feed Jillian her sippy cup like a bottle.

Sleep continues to be reasonable. Jillian is pretty consistent in an 8pm bedtime, and usually I can get Hayden to sleep around the same time. Usually she only wakes up once between then and when I wake up for work at 5am, so I really cannot complain. Of course now that I have posted this all hell will break loose. She naps in her swing periodically throughout the day. With Jillian at this age I had a whole nap routine worked out. Not so with Hayden. She just sleeps when she wants to and is awake the rest of the time with very little fussing in between.

And yes, I know exactly how lucky I am.

21 Months

2010-07-07T12:43:00.001-07:00

Jillian turned 21 months old today. While this might not be quite as exciting for her as another 21st birthday might be in the future, it is pretty amazing to me. In just three months she will be two, which seems impossibly old to me.

This past month she has become increasingly independent. No! (said with arms folded) is definitely one of her favorite words, although she'll still sprinkle in some "yeahs" along with plenty of hugs and kisses. In the past few days, she has also started saying "memememememe!" when wanting something for herself. She understands when I ask her to identify body parts, she knows the difference between her, mommy, daddy and baby. She will often mix up the terms "mommy" and "daddy" and Jeramy is a bit concerned with the frequency with which he is called "mommy". I'm sure that will likely reverse when I go back to work in a couple weeks. She is my little social butterfly who loves to greet everybody she meets "hi" and "bye". Going "bye bye" is still one of her favorite activities along with going outside or " 'side" as Jillian refers to it. She gets quite excited when we tell her to go get her shoes. Both my girls garner us a lot of attention when we are out, which I don't mind. People tell us that we are very lucky, and they are absolutely correct.

Night terrors continue to be a problem for Jillian. If we dare to stay out past the hour of 9pm as we did for the 4th of July, we most certainly pay the price with a screaming, thrashing toddler about an hour after she goes to bed. It is harder on us than her as she doesn't remember anything since she was sleeping. It kills us though since there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help her. I could just as well leave her in bed, but since we end up awake regardless it feels better to hold and rock her through it. They can last for up to 30 minutes. I really, really hope she out grows this soon, because it is absolutely heartbreaking.

This month will bring on new challenges as we are going out of town over night on two different weekends for weddings. I'm not sure how this will go given Jillian's sleeping issues and the 2 month old, so I limited each trip to just one night even though people wanted us to go for longer. Jillian has not slept anywhere overnight except for her crib since October, so I'm of course concerned. She does not sleep well in bed with us. Since she isn't used to it, she usually she just plays or rolls off the bed in her sleep. I'm going into both trips with exceedingly low expectations for the amount of sleep our family will get and exceedingly high expectations for the amount of caffeine that I will be consuming.

There are certainly times where I'm exhausted and at my wits end between temper tantrums and a house that seems to go from clean to disaster in about 60 seconds. But really, I wouldn't change a single thing about either of these two girls.

Chunky Monkey

2010-06-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

Hayden turned 2 months old yesterday. Yeah, you heard me right. I said months not weeks. The next thing I know she is going to be 20. It is crazy to me how the first few weeks just creep by and then suddenly time starts going at warp speed. Just about the time I decide that I start manage to keep myself busy enough to consider the virtues of being a SAHM, I will be heading back to work.

At 2 months Hayden is truly the sweetest, easiest baby ever. I kept waiting for sky to fall and the fussiness to begin, but that never happened. She rarely cries. She is sleeps easily. She was most happy to sleep in her crib rather than her pack'n'play when I decided at 3 weeks that I would rather not be awakened by strange baby noises all night long. Falling asleep is never a big production. She even tends to sleep in a 6-8 hour stretch followed by a shorter stretch which makes her mommy most happy and reasonably rested. When she is awake she is happy to just sit and watch the commotion of our household. Or she can hang out under her play gym batting at toys provided that her older sister doesn't steal them. Best of all in the past week she has started flashing the loveliest smiles and uttering the most adorable baby coos ever.

All three of us are quite taken with her. She is such a sweet baby that I almost feel guilty that she requires so little work. If she had been my first baby I would have had the most restful maternity leave possible and sworn that I would have a dozen more just like her. Of course, I had Jillian first who manages to fill any leisurely time I might have had these past few months and reminds me why two babies are plenty. Luckily her passion and enthusiasm for life remind me why colicky babies who turn into high energy toddlers are wonderful too.

We took Hayden in for her 2 month appointment this afternoon. As we suspected she is a very big girl (something that sounds much better at 2 months of age than it would in her teenaged years). According to Dr. M she earns an A for health and here are her stats:

Height: 23" (95th percentile)
Weight: 13 lbs 1 oz (95th percentile)
Head: 16" (100th percentile)

She is bigger than her sister who was closer to the 50-75th percentile range for height and weight. Despite having a large head, Jillian actually beat her there with a head circumference of 16.25". Yeah...that girls head was crazy big...still is. I can't say that I am too disappointed by having 2 c sections with these kinds of head measurements.

Now here is something that is really crazy. The other week when I was cleaning out our office/craft room, I ran across this picture of Jeramy's dad with Jeramy.

Compare that to Jeramy with Hayden.

The resemblance between Jeramy and his dad and baby Jeramy and Hayden is so striking that I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference if it weren't for the age of the photos.

Sisters

2010-06-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

I must admit that I was pretty damn excited when I learned that I would be having two girls. Sure a boy would have been great too. But deep down, I think that I really longed for two girls. My sister and I are two and a half years apart and have always been close. Growing up we were very different children. As toddlers/preschoolers I was bossy and demanding while Jaime was quiet and compliant. In school I was a studious bookworm whereas she was social and athletic. We still maintain many of these differences as adults, but they somehow seem less significant now. I always know that I have her to talk with and confide in no matter what, and she always gets where I am coming from. I can't help but want the same for my two girls.

One of the big questions we get these days is whether Jillian likes her little sister. So far the answer is overwhelmingly yes. Within an hour of arriving home from the hospital, Jillian picked up the word "baby". Since then it has been baby this and baby that, and this past week she has begun saying "sissy". If she hears that baby cry in the morning, she'll say baby until we go pick her up. If Hayden is still asleep in her crib and Jeramy lets Jillian into our bedroom in the morning (he lets me sleep in) she will run to the pack and play looking for the baby. She likes to hold Hayden (with our help of course), and as you probably guessed from the last post pushing her in the baby stroller was a huge hit. She loves pushing her in the swing despite our protests. For the most part she touches Hayden gently, which cannot be said for how she touches the dog. Poor Cujo.

Of course it is easy to love somebody so helpless and cute. Especially when she is a calm baby who does not demand too much of our attention. We'll see how much she likes he sister when she begins stealing her toys.

This isn't to say that the arrival of Hayden has had no negative impacts on Jillian. She has demanded our constant attention and tantrums have been frequent. However, I can't quite separate out how much of this is due to her age and how much is due to her sister. I'm sure it is a combination of both, and I'm sure things will get better over time. Everybody I have met with two under two tells me that the first year is the hardest. Only 10.5 months left...

My Parenting Philosophy

2010-06-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

It seems like I am often posting pictures of my children doing things that are forbidden in all of the parenting rule books...like letting my 20 month old push my 6 week old in her baby stroller. Or pictures of Jillian (but one day Hayden too) screaming for falling off of something or getting stuck somewhere. I don't know why but I find the crying pictures kind of funny and keep the camera handy so that I can catch those memories before helping my toddler out. As a bonus, Jillian is a fearless child who provides me with ample opportunity for such pictures.

It is not only that I find such pictures funny. But they are also reflect my children learning about life.

In general, I'd say that my parenting philosophy is to avoid intervening and letting my children learn about the world themselves. If I see Jillian climbing on something that she may fall from, I let her do it provided that she would not end up seriously hurt. The rules that I choose to enforce are few at this point and basically limited to biting, pinching and hitting and anything that might result in injury like leaning over the banister above the stairs. If she wants to stand on the couch, fine. If she wants to sit in the window sill, fine. If she wants to pick at her food, whatever. She cannot understand logic at this point, so why bother trying to reason with her on why she should not do those things. My motto is to pick my battles and let her learn through her own experiences. Sure the rules will change more as she gets older, but I hope my general philosophy will remain the same. It seems like there are so many overprotective, helicopter parents out there hovering around their children in an effort to make their lives as pain free as possible. And while that really isn't a big deal when we are talking about learning to climb stairs, it does become a problem when your teenager succumbs to peer pressure to use drugs because they never learned to think for themselves.

I think my relaxed parenting style comes from my mom. My sister and I could punching each other in the middle of the living room, and her only response was to ask us to take it into another room. Ultimately, we had to learn to work things out on our own rather than having our parent do that for us. And really life does not come with some sort of fairness referee which is the role so many parents end up playing. Sometimes you wind up with a jerk for a boss or a co-worker, and you have to figure out how to cope with that. And sometimes life tosses situations that are unfair, and you have to deal with that. You can't go running to mommy or daddy in those situations, although many people in essence do by blaming everybody around them but themselves. I hope my children grow up learning that you cannot change anybody but yourself.

Of course my mom was also unfazed by finding a peanut butter sandwich stuffed in the VCR. Maybe I'm not quite that relaxed...

Time to Get Caught Up

2010-06-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

One of my goals in the next week of so is to try and get caught up with my blog posts. There has been so much going on, and it is difficult to get online when I am at home given the demands of Jillian, Hayden and even Jeramy. When I am lucky enough to get a little down time I either clean, take a nap or do something relaxing like knitting. I don't want to neglect my blog though. Besides connecting with people, it is how I keep track of important memories.

First of all, Hayden passed her sweat test for cystic fibrosis, so we can set that worry aside. Most likely she failed the initial screen because she is a healthy carrier like Jeramy. She may need to take that into consideration should she decide to have children (when she is much much older thankyouverymuch!), but otherwise everything is just fine.

Overall, I'd say that things are going very well. The postpartum blues and anxiety have passed, and life has resumed its usual busy pace. We've been getting out to see friends, I've been taking both girls to a toddler play time at the local community center, I have tried to keep up on my hobbies like knitting and reading even if it is just a few minutes during the day, and between getting a little more sleep and adjusting to my ever-interrupted sleep pattern I am feel a little more alert during the day. I even managed to back-up all of our photos on CDs...yes, I do lead an exciting life. 95% of the time things go perfectly smoothly. Of course it is the other 5% of the time that stand out in my mind and usually those times involve Jillian's temper tantrums, Jillian's night terrors, diaper blow-outs, teething, endless whining, and projectile vomiting. Good times really.

Jillian just turned 20 months. It is simultaneously a completely adorable and entirely frustrating age. Her language skills have simply taken off, and yet we cannot understand everything that she is trying to tell us. Until last week she had gone through a phase of saying "yeah" and "thank you" to everything which was quite wonderful. But then she learned the word "no" which she says with both head shaking and attitude just to make sure you know that she means it. Daily events which used to go smoothly such as bedtime and diaper changes are now accompanied by screaming and flailing. And if either Jeramy or I For the most part my approach is to ignore the tantrums and recognize the good behaviors (and there is still plenty of good as she is pretty much the cutest and funniest kid on the planet). We have also been adhering to a more stringent sleep schedule than we have in the past mostly due to night terrors which almost always strike when she is the least bit sleep deprived. I find all of this exhausting, and I find it difficult to keep my temper at times more often than I care to admit. I try to keep reminding myself that I am the adult in this relationship and this phase is necessary as she learns independence and will pass.

Luckily all of this is offset by the fun times. She has become quite the little helper from unloading the dishes (gotta pull those knives out quick before she gets to them) to putting diapers in the diaper pail (as long as they aren't new ones) to putting her books away. She can follow simple instructions like when I hand her a clean diaper and tell her to take it to daddy. She also loves Hayden. She loves to hold her (with help of course), push her swing, lay under the activity gum with her, and give her hugs and kisses. She is surprisingly gentle, and given that she loves Cujo but spends much time biting and pinching him that is a little astonishing. We can only hope that continues.

Hayden is growing by leaps and bounds at 6 weeks. She continues to be a relatively content baby and her fussing is more like restlessness and very minor compared to my experience with Jillian. She sleeps the majority of the day with one or two awake periods of a few hours sprinkled in. At night she has slowly been going from waking every three hours to giving me one longer stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night. Last night she slept from 10pm - 4am and then from 4:30am - 7:30am. If this trend continues that would be wonderful, but I've experienced baby sleep regression enough to know not to count on that and simply enjoy it while it lasts. At about three weeks I moved her from the pack and play in our room to her crib. Sleeping newborns are just too noisy for me, and I sleep better when she is at a distance. Of course a newborn who sleeps unswaddled in her crib is a foreign concept to me as Jillian slept in her swing with it swinging all night long, swaddled, with a pacifier and with white noise playing. Quite frankly this is too easy, and thank God for that because with a toddler I think I would go insane if I had another colicky baby.

I'll post more soon about our trip to Mt. Rainier, the impending arrival of a new cousin and fun outdoors. For now I'll leave you with a couple of pictures to show how the girls have grown.

Getting Better

2010-05-23T15:18:00.000-07:00

In general, I think things are getting better on the two under two front. Despite a case of explosive diarrhea over the past few days, Jillian has been in good spirits and a little more willing to play on her own rather than with and on me. She has also been getting better sleep during the day and at night, which has cut down on the night terrors she tends to have with overly tired.

Hayden continues to prove herself the opposite of Jillian in terms of newborn behavior. Jillian never napped by herself for more than 15 minutes at this age, and had to be swaddled in the swing at full speed with white noise and a pacifier to sleep for a few hours. Hayden does the same sleeping in the crib with none of those interventions. For the most part she falls back to sleep at night right after feeding, and Jeramy wakes up with the girls in the morning letting me get a couple extra hours of sleep. I do get kind of grumpy at times though about any husband or dog related sleep disruptions, so I wouldn't say that I'm in good spirits all of the time. But it is getting better, and I have a good supply of caffeine on hand for when it is not better.

If anything Hayden's tendency to sleep all the time almost worries me. She is awake for feedings, most diaper changes, and then maybe two couple hour stretches during the day. I'd describe her as a lump at this point. Jillian was a surprisingly strong newborn. Her legs especially. I have a picture of her at two months old standing on the ground using only my finger as support. I'm sure Hayden is probably just fine, but it sure is a shock after Jillian.

In other Hayden news, it seems that she failed her routine newborn screening for cystic fibrosis. We are not overly worried about at this point for a couple of reasons. One, only a fraction of babies who fail the screening ultimately turn out to have CF. And second, both Jeramy and I were tested to see if we are carriers of CF by our RE. Jeramy who has a family history of CF (his cousin's son has it) is a carrier, but my test came back negative. Now that doesn't mean that CF is an impossibility as I could be a carrier of one of the rarer mutations that are not covered by that test, but it does greatly reduce the chances of me being a carrier. CF is recessive, so both Jeramy and I would need to be carriers to pass it along, and even if both parents are positive the chance of transmitting it is 25%. So all this means that we have to take Hayden in for the more accurate sweat test next week. Most likely, Hayden failed the newborn screen because she is a healthy carrier of CF like Jeramy. But I do admit that I'll feel better once we rule out her having CF completely.

Oh and have I mentioned that Jillian is all about her little sister? She loves to push her swing saying "weeeee" despite all of our discouragement. She also climbs up in our laps whenever we are holding or feeding her, and especially likes it when we let her "hold" her. For the most part she is very gentle with her although I dare not leave them along together. If I do "this little piggy" to Jillian she does Hayden's piggies at the same time, and she also spends much time pointing out all of her sister's facial features to me. These heart warming moments are important in offsetting the heart breaking moments when everybody in the house (myself included) is crying at once.

Well my afternoon break (Jeramy has Jillian and grandma has Hayden) is almost over. Hopefully I can report back next week with more positive news. Like a little longer stretch of sleep or in a few more weeks maybe even a smile.

Drive By Post

2010-05-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

Even with a baby who fusses very little (still waiting for all hell to break loose) caring for a newborn and toddler is hard. Have I mentioned that I really hate sleeping in 1 to 3 hour stretches. Actually, I take that back. The 3 hour stretches are almost luxurious. The toddler makes it hard to catch a break though. Since we got home from the hospital, Jillian has had problems on and off with teething. First it was her last one year old molar causing pain and fever, and now her first eye tooth seems to be bothering her. Between her meltdowns and mine, our household is an emotional wreck at times.

I know it will get better. I know this blah feeling I have will eventually go away. I know that one day she'll grow bigger, sleep longer and learn the difference between night and day. One day she'll start hitting all those milestones that make me so happy. Smiling, laughing, sitting, crawling, walking. But man oh man, do the days move by slowly right now. And the nights can be even slower. Of course in a few months I will look back longingly and wonder how my maternity leave flew by so quickly. I wish knowing this would somehow make me handle this new baby stage better. *sigh*

I did promise pictures though, and I can deliver. We had our photographer, Keren Fenton, on hand for before and after delivery to capture some of those precious moments.

Hayden's Birth Story

2010-05-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

Nearly two weeks later, I am finally feeling human enough to turn on my laptop and write up Hayden's birth story. Granted I am doing it one handed with a newborn taking up the other arm. And it will probably be done over several days. But progress is progress, and my standards for accomplishment are low these days.

As planned, Tuesday the 27th arrived. I tried to sleep one last night with little success. I ceased eating and drinking at midnight as instructed. At 5am, my MIL arrived and we left the house full of expectation. Once at the hospital we went to triage where we discovered my blood pressure was high. Like 150-something over 100-something. It had been fine 4 days before. Urine showed no proteins. Blood work was ran and after the platelets count came back fine we moved forward with the c section.

Next up was the spinal block. I really hadn't thought much about the spinal ahead of time. Last time my epidural had been easy and effective. Unfortunately for me that was not the case with the spinal. For whatever reason I was a difficult case and the anesthesiologist had to try three times before getting it to work. The final (successful) time an electrical shock went down my leg so horrible that I cried out in pain. Poor Jeramy was sitting outside and could hear all the commotion but did not know what was going on. Luckily numbness kicked in soon after the shocks, and we were finally ready to go.

After that things moved pretty quickly. Jeramy came in. Dr. C got to work. Several minutes later Hayden entered the world screaming heartily and everybody in the room declared her to be a big girl. After she was cleaned up Jeramy brought her over for me to take a look. Lots of dark hair...more than Jillian had and darker. I think she looks a whole lot like her daddy's baby photos.

Soon afterward Dr. C told me that the blood work showed that my kidney and liver functions were impaired, which coupled with the high blood pressure indicated preeclampsia with HELLP syndrome. Considering that I had been fine when checked just days earlier, it seems that my c section was perfectly timed. Unfortunately this also meant that I had to be put on magnesium for the next twenty-four hours. Those familiar with that drug will understand exactly how much that sucked. It is a central nervous system depressant, and I have never been so horribly groggy and fuzzy in my life.

I was finally taken off of the mag by early Wednesday afternoon and began moving around. Dr. C kept me in the hospital until after office hours on Thursday to monitor my blood work. Since it was headed back to normal ranges, she released us and we got home late Thursday evening.

Hayden has been a very easy baby so far. She seems to be the opposite of her sister who from day one was very alert, did not sleep well and had tummy issues. Hayden, on the other hand, pretty much eats and sleeps. I should be enjoying this, but instead I am constantly on edge waiting for colicky behavior to set in.

Jillian has handled the transition fairly well. She picked up the word baby within an hour and usually treats Hayden with unexpected caution for an 18 month old. What has actually been tougher has been her teething. Within a couple days of arriving home Jillian developed a fever, began drooling endlessly, chewed her pacifier and became inconsolably fussy as her 4th molar started breaking through her gum. No amount of tylenol or teething tablets or orajel or ice seemed to make things better. She has seemed to be on the mend over the past few days, but will still sometimes meltdown for what appears to be teeth related reasons.

I have spent my time trying to feel normal again. Rather than tears, anxiety and a general blah feeling seems to accompany the hormonal craziness and sleep deprivation I experience after giving birth. Honestly I hate it, and I do not feel that I handle it well. Now that I am beginning to get out a little more and resume normal activities, I am finally starting to feel like I'm shaking those feelings. I think I am getting back to speed a little more quickly this time than last thankfully.

I've got lots of pictures to post, and I'll get them up as soon as I manage to get them downloaded from the camera.

Hayden Catherine Yahne

2010-04-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

She's here!

Born 8:21am, 8lbs 14oz, 20.75 long.

Catching Up

2010-04-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

I've been a bad blogger until this weekend, because the past few weeks have been jammed packed. And I've been exhausted. However now that pregnancy insomnia seems to be catching up with me, I'm starting to catch up on posts. I promise that Hayden will blow this destined to be short-lived trend out of the water at 7:30am Tuesday morning.

Friday was my last day of work until July. That's right. I'm treating myself to a luxurious 3 day weekend parenting just one child before Hayden's arrival. I keep warning Jillian to enjoy this situation while she still can, but she remains unconcerned and preoccupied with comparing our belly buttons. She is talking more and understanding even more. If I say, time for a diaper she follows me to the changing table. If I say time for a bath she says "bath" and follows me to the tub. If I say stop pinching Cujo, she smirks and does it again harder. *sigh* She is turning into a little person just as we are getting a new baby.

As usual, I have found that I have a wonderful group of friends and family who are also excited to meet Hayden. A couple weekends ago, I walked into the Cheesecake Factory with Jeramy thinking we were having lunch with another couple. What I found was a group of ladies gathered to have lunch to celebrate Hayden's impending arrival. Jeramy took off, and I enjoyed the surprise lunch. It was low key, with few gifts (as I'm well set for a baby girl), and it ended with cheesecake. PB/chocolate cheesecake for me to be exact. Mmmmmm....

I've been splurging a bit lately too. Pregnancy and online shopping appear to be a dangerous combination for my checking account. I bought matching personalized big sister/little sister shirts off etsy for the girls. I decided to switch out my baby wearing devices since I think I'll be wearing Hayden more than Jillian. The Moby proved way to complicated for my level of coordination, so I bought a hotsling. Then I found a killer deal on Ergo carriers on Babysteals.com. After all that I discovered that Carhartt has a new line up of clothes for little girls. I bought Jillian the cutest coveralls and jumper plus onesies for each girl. Jillian really looks like her Daddy's girl now. Now that I'm having two girls, I find myself justifying purchases for Jillian with the fact that Hayden can use it later. A very dangerous trend.

Hayden's room has been done for months. As soon as we found out we were having another girl, Jeramy was all over the painting, furniture ordering, etc. I hadn't taken any pictures until last night though, because it was rather messy. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, especially since it was done on a rather tight budget.

This of course makes me realize that I never showed pictures of Jillian's room at our new house, which she moved into late last summer. It is basically the same design with a little darker brown on the walls than in her old room. We moved the changing table to Hayden's room to make room for toys. Jillian's room definitely looks more lived in or I guess I should say played in. When we first moved she was in the room Hayden will be in now, but after we added our master bedroom this room was created from a portion of our own bedroom. It is a good thing that we added on so soon too...otherwise we would have been short one bedroom and the kids rooms here are pretty small.

Oh and how do you like the pictures? I told Jeramy that I wanted a new camera, and well that is all it takes to get him shopping. He really could take on a career as a personal shopper. After researching online we decided on a Nikon D5000. I've spent most of my time reading the manual and Jeramy has been using it. Standard operating procedures for both of us.

Now less than 12 hours until some very much anticipated sleep deprivation.

Gorgeous Blanket

2010-04-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, I do still knit. I haven't been very good about posting my finished objects, but I assure you that there were some during the second trimester. Third trimester...not so much.

Wednesday nights I get together with a group of gals to knit. It is my one night out each week, and the break is always much needed. Our knitting group has also been quite productive in the baby department lately as well as one recently had a baby and three (including myself) were due between May and June. We worked together as a group on baby blankets for everybody. One gal has an online yarn shop (check it out here) and she provided all of the yarn, and we each made squares. They surprised me with Hayden's blanket last week, and I must say it is absolutely gorgeous. This picture doesn't come close to doing it justice.

I'm so lucky to have met such a great group of ladies. And Hayden is such a lucky little girl to get such a beautiful blanket.

Family Photos

2010-04-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

I love the results of our latest photo shoot with photographer Keren Fenton. She can do wonders with a camera and is a ton of fun. I'm not the least bit photogenic, but I'm always happy with the results. If you are in the Seattle area, definitely check out her website here.

18 Months

2010-04-10T20:22:00.000-07:00

Jillian turned 18 months old on Wednesday. It is hard to believe that we are halfway between one and two, and this next month will be one that will bring a whole lot of change for all of us. Unlike Jeramy and I, Jillian is blissfully unaware of her little sister's impending arrival. She has only noticed the new functionality of my stomach as a stepping stool and place to place the pile of books she wants me to read.

She continues to be quite the little monkey. "Monkey" has actually been Jeramy's nickname for her for many months, and it is quite appropriate. The other day he turned around to find she had climbed up her high chair and was standing at the kitchen counter. Soon I'm afraid she will be scaling the baby fence placed strategically to block access to the fireplace and dining room.

She talks constantly. Now it is pretty difficult to understand what she is saying, but she seems to comprehend her language perfectly well. She'll run into the kitchen and point at a cabinet..."blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". And if you can't decipher what she wants based on that, it turns into tears. Admittedly it is a frustrating experience for all involved. It is often easier just to pick her up and let her show you want she wants herself. Gradually the blabbering seems to be turning into real words. Recent additions to the vocabulary include duck, book, and "e-i-e-i-o" from Old McDonald. I'm told by both sets of grandmas that she says thank you as well, but I have yet to hear it. I guess we are just not as big on manners at my house.

I find that she is a little hard on her mama these days. She greatly enjoys pulling my hair, pinching, and grabbing parts of my face. Not anybody else...just me. Perhaps it is because we've sang a little too much "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" together. Who knows. But it hurts like hell. I try to express that something hurts me (which she doesn''t quite understand) and then if it continues set her down on the floor, which seems to be the worst possible punishment I can inflict. I am really hoping this is just a phase that passes soon.

Another phase I would like to see pass are night terrors. She has often been waking up about an hour after going to bed screaming and screaming. She isn't awake but she'll sit or stand or walk as if she is (basically like sleepwalking). There is nothing you can do to console her either, and it is absolutely heartbreaking. At her check-up Dr. M said the usual cause is being over tired, so we've been trying our best to stick to the usual bedtime regardless of whether she seems sleepy.

Both Jeramy and I agree that she has reached such a fun age between her expressions and laughter. She loves going places and exploring. On Tuesday, he took her to the Seattle Children's Museum with his mom, niece and cousins from Iowa (I'm always missing the fun when I'm at work). It looks like they had a great time though based on the pictures:

Easter

2010-04-05T14:04:00.000-07:00

I don't remember much about Easter last year. I couldn't even find a blog post to remind me. I'm pretty sure it was pretty low key especially since Jillian wasn't old enough to understand any of the fun stuff.

Well this year was different. Between last weekend and this weekend she participated in three egg hunts. Well at her age it was less about hunting and more about picking the eggs in plain view up. It was also her first introduction to competition and a glimpse into our future as soccer (or whatever sport) parents. I stood on the sidelines snapping pictures as Jeramy held her basket and tried coaxing her to pick up eggs. She did pretty well at the first church-sponsored egg hunt, where there was only boring grass to distract her. At the community-sponsored egg hunt they put the under 2 section in an area filled with pea gravel, and let's just say that the gravel was far more interesting than the eggs. When we did one at home yesterday she decided that playing on her jungle gym would be far more fun than picking up those silly eggs.

She also got her first Easter egg basket this year. She got a few toys and candy. I found her trying to consume the candy packaging and all several times. She knows what is inside...opening it is the hard part!

Later in the morning we had some family over for brunch, which is pretty much my favorite meal ever to eat and consume. We had crepes with fruit and whipped cream and plenty of breakfast meats including steaks that Jeramy BBQ'd. His cousins from Iowa were in town so there were 4 kids total between one and three making for a noisy but fun time. Jeramy got out Jillian's new bubble machine, which they found highly entertaining.

It was a very fun Easter. Granted this pregnant lady was exhausted by the end of it all (especially since our Saturday had been very busy as well). But it was well worth it. Holidays really are more fun with kids.

4 weeks to go

2010-03-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

The c section is scheduled for 4 weeks tomorrow. I have just 4 very busy weekends between now and then and 4 full weeks of work. People keep asking me if I'm prepared for Hayden's arrival. For the most part the answer is yes...the nursery is ready (just need to sort through the sizes of some hand-me-downs), and we have the necessities (heck there wasn't much to buy!). Plus I'm not too worried about it. After having one, you realize just how little you need in the very beginning as they just want to eat, sleep, poo and cry.

I have been trying to enjoy the last days of having just one child. Playing with Jillian whenever she wants. Enjoying an afternoon nap together on the recliner. Having two under two will be hard, but of course Jeramy is likely to be home for my entire maternity leave, which will make things much easier. I've been joking that it will be he who has the hardest time when I go back to work since he'll have two to take care of by himself. Or perhaps it will be his mom who gets it the worst when she watches Jillian, Hayden and their nearly 4 year old cousin.

Sorry for the sporadic posting as of late. My energy level has been quite low...lower than I think it was at this stage during my pregnancy with Jillian. I've reached the point I feel like I'm about to fall forward when standing up, and I find myself out of breath within a few minutes of doing just about anything. I'm looking forward to Easter this weekend, as it will be the first one where Jillian gets a basket of toys and goodies. I'm sure she'll be on a sugar-high Sunday.

I'll try to post pictures of those festivities and the nursery soon. Promise!

No she doesn't have narcolepsy

2010-03-11T11:55:00.001-08:00

If we don't notice the signs of her getting tired, Jillian takes matters into her own hands and takes a nap where ever she happens to be. Jeramy has sent me a couple of interesting pictures of her over the past week.

17 Months

2010-03-08T11:58:00.000-08:00

We are nearly to the 1 and a half year mark...and to having two under two. We are about to embark on some crazy times at our house.

This past month Jillian continues to perfect her climbing skills. Jeramy's mom found a swing set/big toy on Craigs List for free, so Jeramy picked it up last week. He needed to replace a lot of the lumber and buy some new accessories but it still ended up being a really great deal. I'm surprised how much use she can already get out of it. Jeramy built a climbing wall that was a little less steep so that she could get up by herself. It has been an unusually sunny winter here in Seattle so we've been able to go outside to play several times.

Lately she has taken to climbing into things. For example she likes to empty all the toys out of her red bin, walk around with it and then climb in. She has also climbed into smaller bins, which doesn't always work out as well. If I were a nicer mom, I'd help her out rather than grabbing my camera first.

Jillian continues to pick up a new word occasionally. This past week she learned a new name..."Cujo". Well it sounds more like "Ujo" but close enough. She likes to talk, but you can rarely understand what she is saying. I keep reading that language development really takes off after 18 months, and I'm starting to get excited about communicating with her in a more verbal manner. Right now the game of guessing why she is having a temper tantrum is not a lot of fun and trying to reason with her is futile. For example yesterday, just before succumbing to a nap, she'd cry for help to put her boots on. Once on, she'd kick them off. Then cry because she wanted them on. I'd help, and then she'd kick them off. And cry. It made me want to cry too.

She loves going places and always wants to go "bye bye". Even when there is no place to go. I have taken to go to the drive through coffee stand on weekends, just to give into her pint sized demands. When she wants to go someplace she'll run and grab a sweatshirt and/or shoes. Or she'll go to the front door and cry "bye" several times. When we are not about to head out, I try explaining that we are staying home to no avail (see the end of the above paragraph).

Her molars have been growing in at a snail's pace. I think it was two months ago when I first felt one poking through. That one is still only a little grown in. Two others have since began to emerge. For the most part it doesn't seem to bother her, although we'll get an occasional night that is filled with tears until a dose of Tylenol kicks in.

For the most part she is a pretty good napper, and if we don't throw some crazy kinks into the daily routine you can usually get a good two hours of peace and quiet from her. Last Monday this was not the case. She only napped for Jeramy for 45 minutes all day, and upon my arrival home I could tell that both Jillian and daddy were basketcases. During dinner sleep finally overcame her. This photo was taken at 5:45pm, and she slept from then until 6am the next morning.

One of Jillian's favorite activities these days is having a book read to her. She has a few favorites: Busy Busy Kitties, Hand Hand Finger Thumb and Doggies. Jeramy and I frequently hide these, because they get a little old after you've read them 12 times in one afternoon. I bought her a few new ones in hopes that she changes it up a bit.

Over the weekend we went to Bean's 2nd birthday party. Poor Sunny had to miss most of it due to some contractions (which is bound to happen with you have a baby bump the size of a small planet), but Jillian enjoyed herself thoroughly. She is used to playing with other children, but doesn't rarely more than one or two at a time. She was also a big fan of their dog, who she followed inside and outside, and inside and outside, and inside and outside. She was also a fan of stealing everybody else's food, juice boxes and forks. Apparently she hasn't gotten the memo on personal boundaries yet.

Newborns

2010-03-05T17:15:00.000-08:00

I have shocking news. I am not a big fan of newborns. Well at least not of newborns who previously resided in my uterus. And while the population of newborns that have fit that description is exactly one, I am not yet inclined to change my view despite the knowledge gained from a college epidemiology class telling me that case studies of one individual are not at all reliable.

Those early weeks with Jillian were incredibly tough. I was overcome with sleeplessness. After a lengthy hospital stay where I got no sleep, I came home with a baby who cried incessantly allowing me no sleep. Then when she would finally drift off for a few minutes, I would find that my mind was racing making it impossible to sleep. The only way I could find to keep her asleep for any significant duration was to hold her. So I slept with her in my arms in the recliner all night long for a few weeks until the discovery of the swing where she slept for the next several months.

I remember the doubts that crept into my head. That I couldn't handle it. That I would never be a good enough parent. That my failure to breast feed would permanently scar her and leave her with a subpar immune system. That this cycle of no sleep, feedings, and diaper changes would go on and on forever. It wasn't depression. It felt more like hyper anxiety. All my senses were on high alert, and I could not calm down. I wore ear plugs to sleep at night because every little sound she made would wake me.

People came over to help, which was nice. But in truth I didn't really want their help. I wanted to do it on my own. It was hard to feel comfortable in my own house when others were there. While their intentions were to help, having guests made me feel like I needed to entertain.

Advice came from everybody. From family. From friends. From the doctor. The internet. From books. However it seemed that Jillian did not follow anybody's advice. And she certainly had not read any of the same books that I had.

What I expected was a baby who slept for a couple hours, woke up to eat, got a diaper change and would fall asleep. I expected some crying...but not what felt like hours of inconsolable crying. I expected a baby that would sleep in their crib. I expected to breast feed. I expected it to be hard...but not that hard. I expected that when I was tired and the baby was asleep, that I would have no problems falling to sleep.

For me, taking care of a newborn was a stressful and thankless job. Sure she was adorable. Sure I loved her more than anybody else in the world. But the endless diapers and feedings coupled with the lack of sleep and self-doubt were all consuming.

Then one day she began to smile. And then she began to bat at a toy in her play gym. And then she laughed. And laughed and laughed and laughed. Slowly she became interactive. The crying spells tapered off. She slept for longer periods of time. I slept for longer periods of time and even without ear plugs. Taking care of her was no longer just work...it was fun! Every day I grew to love her more and more.

Sometimes I see posts from new moms on blogs or on Facebook. They rave about how much they love their precious newborn baby and how wonderful being a new mom is. They seemingly enjoy the sleep deprivation and explosive diapers. I am tempted to reply by saying "I call bullshit". And if they aren't lying, then I'm insanely jealous.

As we near Hayden's birth, these memories come flooding back to me. By comparison, pregnancy is much easier for me. If it were possible to keep her inside for a 4th trimester, I most surely would.

Don't get me wrong. I am excited to meet Hayden. I feel overwhelmingly blessed to be having two little girls. But I know what to expect. Or rather, I know better than to set expectations because she will surely defy them. I suspect that I'll have less anxiety about my ability to be a mom, and that I'll know better the temporary nature of this situation. Of course those worries will be replaced by new ones as I worry about the impact on Jillian and try to divide my attention between the two.

Just under two months left. I'm both excited and nervous.

The Joys of a SAHD

2010-03-02T14:55:00.000-08:00

One of the wonderful things about having Jeramy home with Jillian all day is that sometimes I get pictures of their fun on my cell phone or in my email. Like this little gem.

What I Love

2010-03-01T18:24:00.000-08:00

I love Jillian and her kisses these days. Jeramy gave her a bath last night, and afterwards she came running out to me for a goodnight kiss. Then she went running back to her bedroom so that daddy could put her to bed.

Then this morning she woke up right before I left (way too early), and insisted on giving me a kiss before I left and said "bye bye" several times. I felt bad for daddy who had to be up before 6am, but her kisses are the sweetest things ever. They just make my day.

Getting the All Clear on Hayden

2010-02-25T20:33:00.000-08:00

Over the past month especially, it feels like I've spent an awful lot of time at the doctor's office trying to make sense of the whole Mega Cisterna Magna diagnosis for Hayden. A couple days after the amnio was done we got word that the preliminary results were fine, and last week I got a call confirming that the final results were clear as well. I did get a bit of a scare when the gal asked me if I knew the gender, and I said we were having a girl. She sounded a bit surprised when I said that causing my heart to stop for a moment. Luckily she quickly confirmed that the amnio agreed that we have a female Hayden on my hands. Thank God. Now I don't have to deal with all of the "what if the ultrasound was wrong about it being a girl" inquiries.

The next step was the consultation with a local prenatal neurology specialist on the MRI results. Originally we were scheduled to do this on Friday morning, but that is when the funeral was held. Luckily we were able to move it just a few days until Monday instead. As a bonus, another doctor from the Maternal Fetal Medicine clinic called me on Thursday to say that the MRI results looked great, that the appointment with the specialist should be very reassuring, and they did not want me to be worrying about it over the weekend.

So with that peace of mind we headed to the appointment with the specialist on Monday, and he gave us all the reassurances we needed. He said that he preferred the term "Enlarged" Cisterna Magna, which does sound much less scary. He showed us exactly where it was in the brain on the MRI pics and was very kind and helpful. All the evidence points to Hayden being a perfectly normal baby girl.

I am now 30 weeks pregnant. Undeniably pregnant. Everybody at work just looks at me as if they are thinking "weren't you just pregnant?" Maybe I could trick them into thinking that I am that legendary person who did just stay pregnant forever. After feeling quite energetic for most of this pregnancy, I've suddenly ran into a brick wall of exhaustion. Jeramy took over Jillian's bath for me last night so that I could crawl into bed before eight. I started taking iron since my bloodwork recently came back with low levels, but that hasn't seemed to make much of a difference yet. Also, seasonal allergies have hit, which I never really get when I'm not pregnant. Hopefully Jeramy manages to find me some claritin today, because I am a stuffy, eye-watering, sniffling, sneezy mess today.

In other good news my OB appointment was Monday, and I passed the GTT so I can happily continue my carb consumption. They are also scheduling my c section this week. We are aiming for April 27th, which was my mom's birthday and my parent's anniversary. It would be nice to have a reason to celebrate that day again.

And yes, I have a couple of long-awaited belly photos...

These Boots are made for Walking

2010-02-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

The past couple of weeks have been stressful and busy as you can tell from my other posts. There is much to update you all on, but I can't quite muster up the energy at the moment. Instead, you get this post, which makes me smile just a bit.

When I was little, my sister and I spent much time watching MTV with the babysitter. And this was back in the day when MTV actually played music videos. One of our favorites was These Boots are Made for Walking (Nancy Sinatra's version of course...Jessica Simpson cannot even compare).

Anyhow this song comes into my head whenever I witness Jillian's fascination with boots. Really she is fascinated with putting on shoes in general, but boots are easiest for her. She likes her new rubber boots as well as her daddy's work boots.

Of course she best not be wearing a dress as short as Nancy Sinatra's. Jeramy would not be okay with that!

A Tough Weekend

2010-02-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

What I had expected to be a relaxing holiday weekend, turned into a very sad time when we got word that Jeramy's stepmom had died early Saturday morning. It was very upsetting to all of us, especially considering that it was unexpected and she was young. Vickie was one of the nicest people ever, and came over several times to help me after Jillian was born. She especially had a talent for getting her to fall asleep! I know she was looking forward to meeting Hayden and had used her money to buy a crib and dresser. She had just gotten to see the room set-up on Thursday.

Rest in peace, Vickie. You are very much missed.

Mega Cisterna Magna

2010-02-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

Yes that is a mouthful for a title to a blog post. It is the name of a condition that Hayden appears to have. It sounds scary, but in all likelihood has no clinical significant. Before I go any further though, let me fill you in on my roller coaster of a Tuesday afternoon.

I worked a half day on Tuesday morning and was prepared for a killer of an afternoon. From 1pm - 7pm I had scheduled a Maternal Fetal Medicine appointment, 28 week OB appointment, physical therapy and massage. At least I was ending with a massage...right? Anyhow, things went awry almost immediately. As I mentioned around Christmas, a part in Hayden's brain called the Cisterna Magna was measuring borderline during a ultrasound at the MFM clinic. A follow-up ultrasound three weeks later still showed it measuring borderline. On Tuesday, the measurement exceeded borderline and went into the abnormal range making it Mega Cisterna Magna.

So the question is what does this mean? The most common problem would be Danny Walker syndrome, which is often seen with Mega Cisterna Magna and other malformations in the cerebellum. However, my ultrasound showed those other structures to be just fine. It could be a marker for a Trisomy disorder despite the lack of other markers, a well growing baby (78th percentile) and a good sequential screen. The only way to eliminate that possibility was through an amnio. It could be that there are other brain abnormalities that we cannot detect via ultrasound. Or it could be that it is just a really big Cisterna Magna which based on current medical literature appears to have no clinical significance by itself and Hayden would likely be perfectly normal.

Based on this range of possibilities, I decided to go ahead with an amniocentisis. Now that the measurement was truly abnormal, I knew that they would keep coming back to the chromosomal abnormality as a possibility unless it was ruled out. Plus being 28 weeks pregnant, I felt a little better about it than I did at 21 weeks, because even should complications occur there was a possibility that I could deliver a living baby. A scarily premature baby, but at least there would be a chance. We did the amnio immediately. Although the idea of big ass needles does not thrill me, I wasn't very worried about the procedure itself. I looked away when the doctor whipped that sucker out. It was probably worse for Jeramy who saw exactly how large the needle jammed into my abdomen actually was. They wanted me to take it easy for the next 24 hours so I worked from the comfort of the recliner in my living room on Wednesday. The preliminary results came back this morning...they are perfectly fine. We do not anticipate the final results would be any different. Phew!

Oh and did I mention that I had my regular OB appointment and 1 hour GTT immediately following the MFM appointment? Yeah, it was great to down the glucola and then get an amniocentisis. Really, everybody should try it sometime.

With chormosomal abnormalities ruled out, the other thing would be to rule out brain abnormalities not seen on the ultrasound. The MFM doctor referred me for a MRI and a consult with a specialist in prenatal neurology. I went in for the MRI this afternoon. I've never actually had an MRI before for myself let alone for this being living inside me. I asked the technician beforehand how long it would take, and his response was that it depended on how well my fetus stayed still. Great. I can control me staying still, but Hayden...good luck. So I spent about 20 minutes hanging out in the claustrophobic tube and was handed a CD of my pictures. For the most part the are completely unintelligble to me. However, I thought that this one was kind of cool:

As you can see Hayden has her head crammed against my cervix. This seems to be the position of choice with her based on all ultrasounds since the 20 week mark. It makes it a bit difficult to get good ultrasounds photos of her brain and they have to use all sorts of awkward angles and press down as hard as possible. It would make for a convenient exit when the time comes, except that I'm having a scheduled c section.

On the 19th, Jeramy and I will take the CD of photos and go visit the prenatal neurologist. Hopefully he'll tells us that everything other than the Cisterna Magna looks perfectly normal. I am trying not to let myself get overly worked up about this. The odds are in our and Hayden's favor for a perfectly healthy little girl especially now that the amnio has come back clear. Hopefully we'll just have spent a lot of time blowing thousands of my insurance company's dollars determining my baby is perfectly normal.

I told Jeramy that this is karma at work. Jillian was stressful to conceive. Hayden is stressful to gestate.

Oh yeah, and did I mention I'm in the third trimester now? We'll have two under two before I know it.

16 Months

2010-02-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

Jillian turned 16 months old yesterday. It is such a fun age as she is constantly learning, growing and having fun. It is also a trying age as her motor skills are greatly outpacing any ability to reason. Kisses and hugs alternate with tantrums and meltdowns these days. My daughter is quite headstrong, independent, determined and rather reckless, but really I wouldn't have it any other way even at the end of another trying day as her energy and enthusiasm are invigorating.

It is so fun to watch Jillian change from day to day. She has sprouted a couple new teeth lately bringing the total to 9 (with another molar looking to emerge soon). Partly in response to the excess drool, she has found great joy in making spitting noises, which I should probably admonish but instead find myself encouraging because it is so dang cute. I must also admit that I'm going to miss her crooked smile, as she has had only three teeth on the bottom for a couple months now. The emergence of tooth number 4 brought relief to Jeramy though, as was beginning to wonder if it even existed.
One of Jillian's favorite things to do is go places. If you get her coat or sweatshirt out, she immediately runs to you wanting it put on. It doesn't really matter where we go because everything is still new to her. I've learned to bring treats along though, because she gets rather antsy in the shopping cart. She will walk holding my hand as long as I don't stop. She must always be in motion. Even in the car she'll still get fussy if the light is red too long.

She occasionally adds a new word to her vocabulary of dada, mama, and dog. First there was hi. Then last weekend she said the word "bye". At first we found it cute, and we'd keep repeating it back to her. After she said it for the millionth time in two days, it had become a bit more wearing. Finally when leaving Costco she said it at an appropriate time to the person checking our receipt.

She is a biter. And a hair puller. I tried telling her "ow" when she pulled my hair. In response she pulls her own pig tail and says "ow". Not exactly what I was going for, but cute nonetheless.

She is fascinated with her shoes and socks. Not only does she love pulling them off (especially in the car) but she loves trying to put them back on too with limited success. We bought her a pair of oversized rubber boots that she can put on. She also enjoys trying my shoes on and shuffling around in them. When I'm sitting in the recliner with my feet up (which is often because she likes to flip the lever if you're feet are down) she'll bring over various pairs of shoes to try on me.

I'm almost afraid to say this, but Jillian has been amazingly healthy this winter and hasn't even had a cold. Jeramy has been the sick one amongst us, which is odd considering that he is home most of the time. By the way his sore throat finally cleared after a few days of antibiotics! Hooray! No mono or anything else horrible.

In less than three short months, her world will be turned upside down with Hayden's arrival. I'm not sure how she will enjoy sharing mommy and daddy's attention, but I hope that someday in the future she learns to love her little sister. In the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy these last couple of months as the mom of one child. In all honesty I'm dreading the newborn phase and lack of sleep. I've ordered up one of those quiet newborns who sleeps all the time, only wakes up to eat, and never cries. That is possible, right?

Here are a few (okay a lot more than that) pictures of Jillian's recent adventures:

After her diaper change, she insisted on trying out Hayden's crib one morning.

Riding around our yard on a quad with Dad and then riding on her own.
Playing outside on an unusually sunny day here in Seattle.
Unfortunately she wasn't as keen on coming back inside.

We'll describe these two pictures as foods that were daddy's idea.

What Not to Wear - Baby Edition

2010-02-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

For the most part, I'd say that it is pretty hard to go wrong when it comes to dressing your baby no matter what your budget. Everything in every color, cut and style looks cute on Jillian. She never complains that something makes her butt look big. In truth, she is really too easy to shop for, as evidenced by my many trips to stores to purchase clothing for myself that instead result in even more clothing purchases for her. Because she really does need 100 onesies.

Of course when you have a stay-at-home dad arrangement, the "rules" of baby fashion are often forgotten. And when that happens, I often come home to find this:

Birth/Adoption Announcement Giveaway

2010-02-03T11:04:00.001-08:00

Pregnant or adopting a baby soon? Then head over to An Adoption Story where you can enter to win some gorgeous announcements from Ella Bella Designs! Good luck!

Why it is Difficult to Update my Blog

2010-01-29T14:38:00.001-08:00

Based on the handful of comments I receive on my posts, I am sure that my adoring readers have been grossly disappointed by the lack of posts lately. And being the people pleaser that I am, it greatly upsets me to fail you all. You see things have just really gotten out of hand for me in the past few weeks, to the point where I'd almost rather hide under my desk at work than venture home at night to yet another chaotic evening.

First I had to stay late at work a couple nights this week. This isn't really out of the ordinary as my schedule with its early to arrive and depart times must often bend to the constraints of pretty much everybody else that I work with. Most of the time it is not a big deal other than needing to drive in rather than catch my vanpool. But with everything else added into my evenings, it has been more stressful.

Then there were the two PT appointments that I needed to fit in this week. I didn't even manage to get a massage scheduled as there were no openings at times that worked for my schedule. Bummer! The PT seemed to be working as my back pain had subsided quite a bit...until Wednesday night.

Jeramy woke up early Wednesday morning with the sore throat from hell. By that afternoon he was a miserable mess with a fever and body aches added into the mix. I picked Jillian up from his mom, fed him dinner, fed us dinner, bathed Jillian, and dressed Jillian in a living room that felt like it was heated to 100 degrees because he had the fire going full blast to help relieve his chills. Then, because he was in no condition to watch the little Miss, I took her to Target and then my knitting group. I had no intention of actually knitting anything but felt the need to get out and socialize. Which I did while chasing Jillian around the frozen yogurt shop where we meet...an activity which didn't quite agree with my back.

Then yesterday morning I realized I had left my wallet behind. So I woke the still miserable Jeramy up to borrow his debit card. Luckily a gal in my knitting group had my wallet for me so I made arrangements to pick it up after my late meeting that evening. In the meantime Jeramy went to the doctor and found out that he does not have strep or the flu. They gave him antibiotics and said that if those don't work it could be mono. My God, if he has mono I am going to die. Or worse, I might get mono. Could you imagine third tri and mono? Or what if Jillian gets sick too? She is all about kissing these days and its not like she offers the closed mouth version either. 3rd tri, sick dad, sick mom and sick toddler? It sounds like the makings of a horror movie. Anyhow immediately after getting home in the evening I grabbed Jillian and we went to the drug store to fill his perscription and buy every kind of throat soothing remedy on the planet. After delivering Jeramy with horse sized pills (which must be great with the sore throat) I fed him, fed Jillian, bathed Jillian, dressed Jillian...sound familiar? Then I put her to bed, popped a couple tylenol and lathered my lower back in Ben Gay.

Tonight I have a still sick husband at home and another PT appointment. Which sounds relaxing compared to the weekend errands I need to run and the cleaning that needs to be done. I really want Jeramy to feel better soon. Not because I feel bad for him, but because I feel bad for me. Do I win wife of the year for that statement?

Haiti

2010-01-21T12:47:00.001-08:00

Over a week later, I still have a hard time watching coverage of the earthquake in Haiti without crying. In my last position one of the research clinics I worked with was in Port-au-Prince, and the team there managed one amazing operation considering the conditions in that country. I remember many times trying to import lab equipment from centrifuges to -80 degree freezers into that country and it would take many, many months to get everything through local customs. I was told that bribes were usually necessary to get anything done, but unfortunately that is not an allowable expense on NIH grants. So I can't say that I'm surprised by how slow the response has been to get humanitarian aid to them. The government did not have the infrastructure to support the population's basic needs. A government with most of its buildings collapsed and many officials missing or dead is not going to perform any better.

If you are looking for a place to donate, may I suggest giving to the GHESKIO clinic which is the one I have worked with in the past. Since the earthquake, the clinic has been transformed into a refuge camp and hospital. I know these doctors, nurses, and staff and it is not stretch to say that they are all amazing and this money would not go to waste.

Fun Ways to Spend a Holiday

2010-01-19T12:15:00.000-08:00

I wish that I could say that I spent my MLK holiday remembering Dr. King and his amazing contributions to the civil rights movement. Instead, I must admit that I took advantage of the fact that I had a day off when many didn't to take care of appointments and errands ranging from physical therapy to grocery shopping to Jillian's 15 month well child visit.

Rather than sleeping in, I decided it would be a great idea to schedule the first PT appointment for my back pain at 7:20am. Jillian woke up just before I left, so at least I departed satisfied with the knowledge that Jeramy had to get up early as well, which is much better than the usual work day when I leave a dark, quiet house at 6am. Upon my arrival at the appointment, I met my sweet, perky PT who pronounced that my hip out of alignment (she had some technical name for it) thanks to Hayden. And to be fair, I should blame Jillian a bit too as the whole back-to-back pregnancies thing likely contributed. My girls are, of course, worth the pain as well as the 2 sessions of PT plus 1 session of massage therapy per week that I am required to squeeze into my evenings for the foreseeable future. Oh and the stretches that I am to do twice a day. Hopefully it all works because at the moment just an hour of housework leaves me propped up in the recliner with my lower back covered in BenGay. And while I love smelling like a Wintergreen lifesaver, my house does not clean itself. And while Jeramy is the busiest unemployed guy I know, he possesses that inherently masculine ability to prioritize just about any project possible over the dreaded duty of cleaning house so it is unlikely that he'll pick up the slack.

Later in the afternoon we had Jillian's 15 month appointment. I haven't actually taken her to the doctor in months since that responsibility usually falls on Jeramy these days. Beforehand he warned me of her typically crazed behavior in the waiting room of chasing her around the waiting room as she tore magazines off of every end table as the doctor ran thirty minutes behind schedule. Honestly, I think he was rather satisfied that finally I'd feel just a little of his pain. Fortunately for me/unfortunately for him, that was not the case. Upon entering Jillian made a beeline for the toys, which kept her happily occupied for the 5 minutes it took for them to call us back. Maybe I'm lucky. Or maybe, that is just the benefit I reap for running 10 minutes late to everything unlike my ever-punctual spouse. Regardless the visit was good and Jillian was almost cooperative at times (thanks mostly to my supply of treats). She got three vaccines, and was still following the same trendlines in terms of her growth:

Height: 31" (50-75th percentile)
Weight: 22.5 lbs (25 - 50th percentile)
Head Circumference: 20" (above 95th percentile)

It seems like this kid snacks constantly so I was rather surprised about the weight. And it is all head and belly these days (she has the most adorable pudgy belly on the planet). I promise more pictures soon.

This and That

2010-01-15T12:33:00.001-08:00

When my alarm went off at 5am this morning, I thought "oops, forgot to shut my alarm off last night...it's Saturday". Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. Which would have been fine if it weren't Friday, which I remembered after I heard Jillian wake up and hour and a half later. So I missed my vanpool and drove myself into work later. Not exactly how I wanted to start my Friday, but at least there is a three day weekend to look forward to.

It has been a very busy week, which explains my lack of posts. Wednesday, in particular, was a bit hectic as I had a day of meetings and presentations bookended by doctor's appointments in the early morning and late afternoon. The morning appointment was at the maternal fetal medicine clinic to get a follow-up ultrasound of the brain part with the borderline measurement (the cisterna magna for those who are curious). The ultrasound tech said it hadn't really grown in the past few weeks, but the doctor said the measurement was still borderline. He did not seem too concerned though, because there are no other markers of a problem and none of his research of medical textbooks turned up any problem that would be evident by that measurement alone. This finding matches my even more reliable research via Dr. Google. Still they want to see me back next month for yet another ultrasound to measure again. They've got to earn a living somehow I suppose.

My late afternoon appointment was with my regular OB, Dr. C. She also seemed unconcerned about the cisterna magna, and told me that as ultrasound technology gets better and better they are able to measure more and more anatomical parts without really understanding what is and is not truly normal thus worrying prospective parents like myself. She agreed that my decision not to do the amnio made perfect sense. I told her about all the back pain I have been having with this pregnancy. For a few months now my lower right back hurts horribly after I do anything remotely active. I got some back pain with my last pregnancy but nothing significant until late in 3rd tri. I am pretty sure that a little 15 month old somebody might have a small part to play with this, and while I can limit holding her it is tough to resist her upheld arms and pathetic looks for long. So Dr. C prescribed PT and massage therapy, which I start next week. I welcome the back pain relief, but I'm not too thrilled about trying to fit even more pregnancy related appointments into my rather tight schedule.

But before getting too sorry for myself and my aches and pains, I think of Sunny hanging out on bedrest. Endless days in bed with daytime television is a much worse punishment than having to fit a weekly massage into the schedule.

Jillian continues to be her usual energetic self and is increasingly adding some "fun" toddler elements to our daily routine. Like temper tantrums. My God, can that kid throw a fit complete with throwing things when she is angry. Bedtime has become rather difficult because she knows what is coming after her bath and she resists mightly. Putting pajamas on a raging toddler with an arched back is not exactly the highlight of my day. She cries all the way to her crib, and when I set her down and hand her the pacifier she prompty throws it down. Once I close the door she is usually asleep within 10 minutes. But the tears leading up to that peaceful slumber are just heart wrenching. I do my best to ignore and smile knowing that the consistent routine is important. But oh how I miss the days of setting a quiet, happy baby in the crib and watching her turn over on her belly instantly and snuggle in for the night. I don't know whether the issue is separation anxiety, or the molars growing in, or what. I wish I could diagnose the problem and fix it, but I've long learned that babies and now apparently toddlers just don't work that way.

Jillian has spirit if nothing else. I keep trying to convince myself that this is a good thing.

32

2010-01-07T13:32:00.000-08:00

Today I turn 32. I remember a time when that seemed like a really old age. My mom quite unexpectedly became pregnant with my little brother when she was 32. I was 9 years old at the time, and I remember thinking she was quite old as a parent of nearly three with her completely gray hair. Very old, of course, for a pregnant lady. Certainly much older than I feel or look at this moment, right? Well I lucked out in the looking young department thanks to my still blond hair and baby face. But the point is that your future age is never what you think it will be.

This past year, and my thirties in general, have been one of transition into parenthood. It has been an exhilarating transition as nobody could have prepared me for just how fun it really is to watch your own baby develop, learn and grow and become their own little person. But it has also been a tough transition between the sleepless nights, the invasion of endless noise in our house (from crying to giggling), the loss of free time, and the testing of my patience. Jillian is worth it for sure. But I do think that those new moms who only spew forth pronouncements of their utter joy and their complete fulfillment by motherhood are full of it.

I've spent much of the past fifteen months finding myself in this new role as mom. The balance between being a mom, being a wife, being an employee and just being me is never easy. But I would say that I haven't felt as much guilt as I expected or even as much guilt as some others might place on me. I can try my best in all those roles, but I'm never going to be perfect and somehow I just have to accept that not everything is within my control. Not an easy lesson for any type A such as myself to learn. Probably the hardest lesson of all though has been learning that I can't let the "just being me" part of things slide as so many of us are apt to do when we get busy. When I can't spend the time doing things I love, I do a disservice not only to myself but to those around me including my child. I see too many parents these days have children and then become slaves to them. They drop all outside interests, stop seeing old friends and focus solely on their kids. And while Jillian and Hayden are important to me, I think such lavish devotion can ultimately be harmful as kids grow up with the impression that they are the center of their parent's world and therefore the universe.

So yeah, I'm still learning and trying to get a hang of this whole being a mom thing. I'm sure I'll never quite get it right, but if my kids don't grow up to spend endless hours telling a psychiatrist how their mother screwed them up then I'll count myself as successful. I'm sure 32 will bring many new and just as difficult lessons to be learned as we move from having one child to two.

So there you have it. A little bit of rambling introspection from me on my birthday.

Fresh Starts are Tough on a Monday

2010-01-04T13:24:00.000-08:00

The new year is supposed to bring fresh starts complete with new years resolutions and such. But it sure is hard to find the motivation for all of that on the first Monday after the holiday. Every person I've spoken to this morning has commented on how hard it is to get back in the groove of work after vacation. So in lieu of anything that would require some sort of effort on my part, I bring you pictures of Jillian. She seems to have no problem keeping her energy level up no matter what the time of year.

Oh and please note that I have not helped her to reach any of the heights shown in the first couple of photos.

h

End of a Decade

2009-12-31T17:18:00.000-08:00

The fact that we're ending a decade has caught me by surprise. I remember so much media coverage of the end of the 80's and 90's but have not seen much for the end of the ...well what do you call this decade anyway....the 00's? Of course I seem to miss a lot of current events these days since my toddler interrupts my TV viewing by wanting me to pretend to talk on her cell phone or sing the itsy bitsy spider for the thousandth time.

For me the first ten years of this millenium have been transformative as one might expect from somebody who spent the bulk of the decade in her twenties. The first part was spent finishing school and building a career, and then in recent years adding to our family. Here is a quick re-cap:

2000

I entered the decade at 21 years old. Jeramy and I had been married for 1.5 years. I was going to school at the University of Washington, and working at a mom and pop owned canoe and kayak store where I'd been since age 17. We lived south of Seattle in a small apartment.
April: in anticipation of my graduation I took a part-time job at a biotech firm that would go full-time when I graduated.
June: earned my B.S. in chemistry
July - November: Dispised my job and my evil, bitchy co-workers. I hated working in a lab in part because being a lab technician can feel rather limiting (I was essentially a production worker) and because I'm a complete and total klutz which doesn't mix well with working in a lab.
December: Took a job with my current employer as a Program Assistant

2001

October: in the wake of 9/11 we decided to buy a house. It seemed to come together way to quickly but within a couple weeks we had made an offer and moved in.

2002

February: Got Cujo and I experienced my first taste of parenthood, which I found so stressful I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Okay, maybe that is exagerrating it. Maybe.
March: After working at one dead end job after another, Jeramy applied for a Pipefitter apprenticeship and managed to beat out loads of other applicants.

2003

Nothing special that I can remember. Jeramy was working and going to night school, and I kept growing in my position at work and received a few promotions over the years.

2004

June: I had jaw surgery as part of my orthodontic treatments. My jaw was wired shut for a few weeks nearly driving me insane. Unfortunately the surgery did not go as smoothly as planned and would require a repeat surgery down the road.
July: I was accepted into the Executive Master's in Health Administration program at the University of Washington. I'd spend the next two years working full-time while going to school.

2005

Spent the year in a haze of stress from work and school

2006

August: Graduated with my MHA!
September: Started in my current Project Manager position in a different department
October: Jeramy's graduation banquet from his apprenticeship. I don't think he was officially a journeyman until the following year, but he finished all of his schooling!
December: After years of putting it off we began TTC. I was never optimistic that it would be quick given my history of sporadic cycles. I was never casual about TTC and began charting and using OPKs immediately.

2007

May: Went to my primary care MD about my irregular cycles and charts showing a late O
June: Tests show nothing wrong. Referred to an OB but scheduled an appointment with an RE instead
August: Clomid cycle #1...ovarian cyst #1
October: Clomid cycle #2 w/IUI...ovarian cyst #2. Switched to Femara.
December: Started Femara cycle #1 w/IUI on Christmas Eve

2008

January: BFP!!!
January - October: Happy pregnancy and relatively easy pregnancy. Jillian born 10/7/08!
October - December: Maternity leave and coping with a fussy newborn
December: Almost on a whim we decide to look at houses closer to my MIL who would be watching Jillian after maternity leave. Within a week we find a house, get approved for a loan and have an offer accepted.

2009

January: Move to new house
February: Jeramy gets laid off which we expected. He devotes his time to getting our old house on the market. We get a couple offers within a few days of listing it!
April: We officially own just one house again.
April - July: Jeramy devotes his time to adding on the master bedroom
August: A surprise BFP!
August - present: A happy and relatively easy (albeit stressful lately) pregnancy with Hayden

Presumably the 2010's will bring us more good times watching our two girls grow. By the end of the next decade they'll be 9 and 11!

A Small Sign of Relief

2009-12-29T11:31:00.000-08:00

Thanks everybody for your comments and reassurances on my last post. I keep reminding myself that statistics are on our side for a healthy baby. I think it was the whole chat with the genetic counselor that had me worked up, because such conversations are bound to be focused on the negative and what if scenarios.

The good news is that the fetal echo went great yesterday. We were doing it because of a history of heart problems in Jeramy's family (we did one with Jillian also), but I certainly made sure to mention how the other ultrasound went so they could be on the lookout for anything else negative. Luckily all they saw was what appears to be a perfectly healthy little heart. Phew! Hopefully the follow-up ultrasound in a couple more weeks will only bring more good news.

Ways to Frighten a Hormonal, Emotional Pregnant Woman

2009-12-27T11:38:00.000-08:00

*I'm posting twice in one day as I didn't really want to combine this post with our Christmas post. So don't forget to check out all the pics of Jillian's holiday fun below*

I'm in an emotionally precarious state these days. I can't think of the last day that went by that I didn't cry. I cry over movies. I cry over the local news. I cry over television shows. I cry over commercials. I cry over books. I'm a hormonal basket case. And my ultrasound last Wednesday nearly put me over the edge.

As I mentioned before, we went for an ultrasound at the maternal fetal medicine clinic (rather than our OB) because Hayden is not a photogenic baby. She prefers hiding at the bottom of my uterus behind the placenta to getting her picture taken. The same held true at the MFM clinic so much so that they even hauled out the transvaginal wand to get snapshots of her brain since it was crammed up against my cervix. This is clearly a stubborn child.

The hour plus of trying to photograph my child I could handle. What I couldn't handle were the words "marker for downs" and "marker for Trisomy 18". They said that they thought my OB sent us in because the nuchal fold seemed to be measuring a bit thick (5 cm) and at their office it was measuring between 5-6 cm. They prefer to see it less than 5 cm but that measurement is really only valid until 20 weeks and both ultrasounds were taken just past that mark. Plus some doctors consider 6 cm the cut off so really the measurement is borderline. There was also some other brain part that was measuring at the upper edge of acceptable, which could be a marker for Trisomy 18. However, usually you would see other markers of that condition and none were found. Plus my nuchal fold testing and blood work from the sequential screen put Hayden's risk at both conditions at 1 in 20,000 so during the ultrasound I wasn't really too worried.

But then they stuck us in a room with the genetic counselor. She was nice enough for sure. But somehow sitting in that room and listening to her throw all these numbers at us sent me over the edge. She said that a marker like this would typically increase the risk of either condition 20 fold (and really since both measurements were borderline abnormal maybe even less) meaning that the 1/20,000 went to 1/1,000. She then told me that amnioscentisis was an option if we wanted to know for sure. But of course when I pressed her on the risks of that procedure, she told me that the chance of miscarriage was also 1/1,000. I told her that I didn't want to do the amnio since it didn't make sense statistically, but of course I was in tears at that point and she pressed me about whether I felt comfortable with that decision. In truth, I really felt like they were steering more towards the amnio...this is the U.S. after all. The more tests and procedures the better, right?

Anyhow, Jeramy and I decided not to do the amnio. Like I said it didn't make sense statistically, and I don't think we would decide to terminate the pregnancy based on the results. Plus as I got to thinking about it more, at 1/1,000 the risk for Down's is not even elevated over the normal incidence of the condition, and they certainly don't recommend amniocentisis for every pregnancy. I feel fine about this now, but it was not a good feeling to be sitting in that room working about a .01% risk and being pressed to make a quick decision.

I do go back in a few weeks for a follow-up ultrasound to measure the part of the brain that was borderline as a marker for Trisomy 18. They want to look to make sure it is growing at a normal rate. And tomorrow is the fetal echo. For the first time ever, I find myself wishing that I didn't have to do any more ultrasounds. I'd rather close my eyes, not think of the risks (which are always there in any pregnancy) and imagine a healthy baby girl at the end of this.

Christmas

2009-12-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

We had a very good, albeit busy, Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve we hosted my mom's side of the family at our house. It worked really well to have everybody at our place because Jillian is much friendlier to unfamiliar faces at our house than at other people's house. It is like she went into instant hostess mode, and there wasn't a single person's lap that she missed. On Christmas day we ran all over the place to my Dad's, Jeramy's mom's and Jeramy's dad's. Starting next year it is my goal to stay home on Christmas Day and we can host whoever wants to come over sort. It is just too hard to go to so many places, and I want to start building traditions with my children other than hanging out in the car and throwing tantrums when mommy won't let them touch people's breakable objects.

Jillian was completely spoiled, of course. Here are some pictures of her fun...

Christmas Eve she got a Pelican pull toy with balls in its mouth from her great aunt and uncle. She really liked taking the balls out of the pelican's mouth and throwing them down the stairs. Luckily she also thought it was fun to retrieve the balls, which thankfully she can do by herself. We took down the baby gate at the top of the stairs before company came over, but I think we're going to leave it off since she is so mobile on the stairs now.

Christmas morning, Jillian woke up to find that Santa brought her a play kitchen! She likes it almost as much as the real one...more maybe since these cabinets don't have locks on them. We moved the changing table out of her room and into Hayden's to make room for toys (Jeramy already painted Hayden's room if you can believe it). I figured that I would change her diapers in there, and after the baby is born we'll set up the pack n play as a second diaper changing station.

She and her cousin Julia got life size dolls (well bigger than life at their current size). They modeled with Aunt Brittany/Julia's mom because it is pretty much impossible to get a decent shot of both of them without adult intervention.

Jeramy's mom made Jillian the coolest rocking motor cycle. It turned out really great (which is good given the countless hours that went into it!). At first Jillian was uncertain about sitting on it, but once Julia showed her how she was fine.

Riding her new quad. She could figure out how to hit the button to get it to move but only in little spurts. Jeramy practiced with her last night, and she was getting the hang of holding it down longer. Not too much longer until she can ride a real one!

The Bump has a Name

2009-12-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

We have officially come up with a name for baby #2. Drum roll please...

Hayden Catherine

I, of course, reserve the right to change my mind about the name at any point in time because I am a hormonal pregnant woman after all. And yes after three "J" names we are going with an "H". I never meant to start a theme by picking the name Jillian the first time around. We just happened to like it.

I've now reached the halfway mark amazingly enough. My back is really starting to feel it too, as little Miss Hayden seems to be burrowing into my lower right backside causing sciatica and pain. It can be especially bad on the weekends as I tend to be on my feet more cleaning and running errands. Jeramy got a quick pic the other morning. The picture quality isn't great because apparently the flash wasn't on but you get the idea. For comparison you can find my 20 week belly pic with Jillian here. Pretty similar, I think.

In other news, it seems that we have a peeping tom at our house. We'd call the cops, but she's kind of cute.

Photos

2009-12-16T10:00:00.000-08:00

We are actually getting a second anatomy scan done with a better machine at the maternal fetal medicine clinic, because it turns out this little girl was a bit difficult to photograph. This time the placenta is on the outer wall blocking our view, and she was not in a particularly good position. So there will be more, better pictures, to come!

In the meantime everything else looks good. Heart rate of 140 bpm and measuring right on target at 20.5 weeks!

And it's a healthy baby...

2009-12-15T17:35:00.000-08:00

GIRL!!!

I must say that I'm pretty damn excited to be getting two little girls. Hopefully Jillian and her little sister love each other. Or at least don't kill each other before they grow up :)

Jeramy, on the other hand, is nervously stockpiling weapons to ward off boys when they become teenagers.

Tomorrow is the Big Day

2009-12-14T20:00:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe that tomorrow we will hopefully be finding out the answer to the boy or girl question. It seems that most of you are guessing girl, and I cannot say that I'm guessing any differently. This pregnancy just seems too much like the last one for me to think otherwise. Well unless you count the whole "spontaneous" thing as opposed to the RE's office thing as different. Jeramy is so adamant that we're having another girl that he has been referring to baby #2 as Jillian's little sister since the test came back positive. I can't say that I would mind since I have fond memories of having a little sister close in age despite the fact that we spent most of the time arguing and punching each other. A boy would be great to, since then we'd have one of each. Either way, I don't think we can go wrong gender wise.

This pregnancy really has flown by in comparison to the last. My day consists of work, chasing Jillian around, and then a precious hour or two of relaxation with Jeramy after she goes to bed. Weekends are more of the same. I love it, but it is busy. I lack the luxury of sitting around and contemplating the wonder that is this pregnancy unlike last time. In a way I almost feel a little guilty that being pregnant at times feels like more of an afterthought rather than my constant focus. But really I think it is more of a function of being busier. It is feeling more and more real though, probably because I have really began feeling movement. I felt flutters earlier this time around since I knew what I was looking for, but the real distinct movements did not begin until a week ago.

Now that Jillian is sleeping like a champ, I have been knitting more in the evenings since I know this will all come to an end again in a few short months. I finished Jillian's Helena sweater. It is a little big (although it is supposed to be long), but I think it should fit well by the spring.

And a sock! I'm now knitting the matching sock. And if I finish that sock it will be the first complete pair I've ever made.

Because I'm a Cruel Mom...

2009-12-11T15:09:00.000-08:00

I forced Jillian into another Santa Photo-op. This really never gets old for me!

Jillian's Likes and Dislikes

2009-12-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

Jillian turned 14 months old today. Here are a few things that she likes:

Food. Especially strawberries, cheese, potatoes, cheetos, and beef. And whatever mommy, daddy or Cujo is eating. Dog bones are considered a delicacy in Jillian's book.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy.
Climbing over the top of the couch to stand in the window sill.
Cujo. If only he felt the same.
Bedtime. Hallelujah!
Peek-a-boo.
Saying "mamamamamamamama." Finally!
Making a mess.
Spilling her milk onto the ground and then playing in it.
Showers.
Turning on the electric fireplace in mommy and daddy's room with the remote.
Smiling at strangers to make them think she likes them...until they want to hold her.
Tickles.
The book Hand Hand Fingers Thumb.
Songs with motions like the Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the Little Green Frog

Something Jillian does not like:

Is it wrong to love this picture so much?

By the way I finally, at 19 weeks, got around to adding a ticker for this pregnancy. The 2nd time around is a little different. Not because I am any less excited but rather because time is limited. Typing a post is impossible until after bedtime as Jillian likes to help you type. She has taught us computer commands that we never knew existed.

Also, the anatomy ultrasound is next Tuesday! I'm hoping not only for a healthy and happy baby but to get a glimpse of one particular part of the anatomy in particular. Any guesses as to what I'm having? There is a poll in the upper right corner. So far this pregnancy is just like my last one. Practically no symptoms at all. I keep forgetting that I'm even knocked up, although my growing belly is starting to make that more and more difficult.

Thanksgiving Recap

2009-11-30T20:56:00.000-08:00

Only three days to recover from Thanksgiving is not nearly enough. I love that we live near all of our family, but during the holidays I definitely find it exhausting as we end up running from one place to another. Our Thanksgiving started when we left the house at 11:30am and didn't end until we got home at 8:30pm. And when you have a 13 month old in tow whose only naps consisted of 15 minutes here or there in the car, that 9 hour day begins to feel like an endless marathon. To make the day a little more fun, Jillian developed a temporary aversion to all people except for mommy. This was of course only exacerbated by all the unfamiliar relatives eager to hold and hug her, as the end result of such advances was invariably screaming and clinging to my leg.

I guess the only alternative is to host Thanksgiving at our house. The problem is that I don't cook. Well I bake desserts. But I'm guessing my family wouldn't be satisfied by a Thanksgiving feast of pie and cheesecake. (It sounds pretty good to me though).

Speaking of desserts, these were my contributions to the festivities...

I got both pie recipes from Martha Stewart. The top is Apple Raspberry and the bottom is Pecan. Both recipes were very easy, especially since Jeramy helped with peeling the apples. I must admit that I used Pillsbury refrigerated crusts rather than baking my own. But hey, I'm a working mom. Cranking out two pies with pre-made crust was hard enough!

I spent the remainder of the weekend recuperating. I thought about putting up the Christmas tree, but I'm not sure where to put it. Really the only feasible placement out of Jillian's reach is where one of our china cabinets currently is. And the idea of moving that and all of its contents to the bedroom seems a bit overwhelming. So we'll see if the tree makes it out of the closet this year. I'm not overly optimistic at this point.

Now its on to the present buying (which at least will be minimal with Jeramy laid-off), the Santa photo taking, even more gatherings, and best of all the holiday baking. I expect to gain several pounds all of which will be promptly blamed on baby #2. Ah, the joys of being pregnant :)

No Fear

2009-11-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

My little girl is fearless. I don't know whether it is that she trusts Jeramy and I completely (probably not a good idea!) or whether it is her innate sense of adventure. This past weekend we attended a birthday party at one of those places with the huge inflatable toys you can climb on, bounce on, etc. Jillian had an absolute blast. Her favorite part was this huge inflatable slide. Every time down she'd burst into giggles and when she saw her daddy she'd throw her arms around him wanting to go again. Of course Jeramy would comply no matter how tired and achey he was from climbing up to the top time after time with her in one arm. On the way home she fell asleep and slept for well over two hours.

16 Weeks

2009-11-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

If somebody could explain to me how it got to be mid-November 2009 I would greatly appreciate it. I can't hardly believe the date let alone that I'm 16 weeks pregnant with my second child. Pure craziness.

I had my OB appointment today, and everything went great. The heartbeat was a solid 150 bpm, and I had my second blood draw for the sequential screening (NT scan/bloodwork). Then, nonchalantly, my OB said "so are you going to get your H1N1 vaccine today" as if that were some easily obtainable thing that I could easily pick up on the street. Well it turned out that I was in luck as they received the shipment last week. So I got a quick poke and hopefully my flu immunity is complete. Jillian still needs the vaccine, but our family doctor hasn't gotten doses for children under four yet and I don't really feel that it is worth running all over town trying to find a phamacy or doctor that does.

Lately I have finally been finding time to knit again. I took a brief hiatus in August and September because thanks to 1st trimester exhaustion I found myself going to bed just as soon as we got Jillian to sleep each evening. And trying to knit while Jillian is awake is impossible. Pulling on my project and turning my ball of yarn into a tangled mess is one of her favorite activities. In the past month between Jillian sleeping better and reaching 2nd tri and taking up a new project that I'm not completely pissed off at, I have been finding a little time many evenings. Over the past few weeks, I've made good progress on this sweater for Jillian:

It is the Helena pattern from Knitty. So far it is really fun. But of course the finishing looks like it takes forever between the hemming and the placket and the usual sewing in ends and blocking. So we'll see if I'm still as enthused about the sweater in a couple weeks. I'm using Duet DeKAY yarn which is hand dyed by a gal in my knitting group. I'm pretty much falling in love with yarns from indie dyers, but that is another post entirely. The color is a bit deeper than the picture..less hot pink and more burgundy. I really enjoy the veregation in color, but it isn't so overwhelming that it detracts from the lace pattern. It is knit from the top down, which I prefer given my dislike of sewing and finishing. It is somewhat similar to the February Sweater I knit a couple years ago.

In other news Jillian discovered the job of riding on a blanket as her Daddy took her around the living room and up the hall several times. What a lucky girl to have wood floors. And what a lucky girl that she doesn't have to mop them...yet. At what age can I finally put her to work, anyhow?

I also had Jeramy take a belly picture. This is not an attractive picture at all. I must have no shame to be posting this on the internet for all to see. Here is what I looked like at about the same time with Jillian. I don't know if my belly looks bigger than last time, but I certainly look bigger overall. Not exactly what I was going for. I dragged the maternity clothes out this weekend, and I didn't like them nearly as much as I remembered. Of course everything in short sleeved since I was pregnant in the spring and summer last time. So it seems some more shopping is in my future.

13 Months

2009-11-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

Jillian turned 13 months old over the weekend. I would have posted about urgent development sooner, but I was overcome by a lovely GI bug or something similar. At first I thought that it was just an errant wave of morning sickness that decided to pound me at 15 weeks. But then other symptoms developed that made that diagnosis unlikely. Let's just sum the whole thing up by saying Monday was not fun. Today I'm feeling better. Not 100%, but hell I haven't felt 100% since before Jillian was born.

Anyhow, back to the whole Jillian being 13 months old thing. She has become quite the climber these days. She loves to scale tall pieces of furniture, stand on them, and strike fear in the hearts of her parents as we try to prevent her from falling. Sometimes we are successful. Sometimes we are not. And honestly my motivation from saving her from hurting herself is entirely linked to the height of the object upon which she is standing. If it is her kid sized chair, I usually let her deal with the ramifications. If it is the end table, well I'm more cautious.

She has also discovered the downward dog position of yoga. I'm not sure how exactly, given that I have never done yoga. (It's just not my thing you know given that it involves that impossible combination of coordination, flexibility and exercise). But regardless I find her in that position quite regularly. She finds it especially enjoyable if you peek between her legs so that she can see you upside down. That, my friends, can conjure up nearly as many giggles as a good game of peek-a-boo.

Teeth #3 and #4 are on their way in. I must admit that I kind of miss the two bottom teeth only look. It was awfully cute. The new teeth are still at the awkward stage where one has grown in more than the other. She already seems to be able to bite off pieces of food better, so I suppose that functionality takes precedence over looks. I am a bit curious to see how straight these teeth grow in. Between my and Jeramy's orthodontia history, this kid is pretty much guaranteed to wear braces in the future.

Jillian has made great strides in the sleeping department over the past month as well. She had frequently been waking up one or even two times a night needing to be fed and rocked back to sleep. Finally I wised up. At one year old, I had the sinking feeling that what she wanted was to see me or her daddy, and that she was not waking up due to serious nutritional deprivation. So one night after getting back from DC when she started crying, I didn't get up. About ten minutes later there was silence again. Glorious, glorious silence. A few weeks later she'll still sometimes cry a bit in the night, but I haven't gotten up once and she usually sleeps 10 to 12 hours. Some nights I have even put her in bed awake and she feel asleep after crying for just a little while. Then last night I put her down awake, and she just snuggled up and fell asleep. Hallelujah! Let's just hope that I didn't completely jinx this success by writing it down.

The transitions from formula to milk and sippy cup to bottle appear to be complete. We hit a small bump with the milk, because she seemed to be very fussy in the evenings. Since we had her on soy formula, we suspected regular milk might not be sitting well with her. I tried a couple of options and found that she seemed to like Lactaid whole milk okay. By the time she was one I had her on sippy cups full-time during the day, but she was still getting a bottle right before bed. A couple of nights ago, we gave her a sippy instead. She doesn't chug it like she does the bottle, but she still seemed to fall asleep okay and she slept just as long as always. She is a full fledged walking, climbing, sippy cup using, milk drinking toddler these days. Where did my baby go?

Jeramy was gone over the weekend for the fourth weekend in a row. (He best enjoy hunting now, because soon the only thing he'll have time to hunt are the two pint sized child-beasts that will be living in our home). Somehow I manage to schedule all the fun things like vet visits when Jeramy is not going to be around to help. Nothing is quite as much fun as wrangling a 80 pound bulldog and toddler in an overflowing vet's office waiting room. All Jillian could say was "dog!" while Cujo looked around nervously. Jillian was also much more willing to stand on the scale than Cujo was too. Of course getting the bill is always the fun part when you have a high maintenance canine like a bulldog. As we had suspected he had a serious ear infection again. He got an ear cleaning. Pain reliever injection. Antibiotic injection. Ear drops. Eye ointment. Oral antibiotics. Oral pain medication. Ear cleaner. Dewormer. And we're supposed to soak each paw in Epsom salts twice a week for 15 minutes due to yeast infections. All of this is on top of his usual allergy medication. I'm about to purchase one of those daily pill containers just to keep track of the dog's meds. I sure wish I could convince my work to add him to my medical insurance.

Anyhow, I would post pictures of these good times, but I'm out of camera batteries. I meant to buy them over the weekend, but somehow between the vet and the vomit I never got a chance. Next time.

A New Car

2009-11-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

We got a new car! Well not really new but new to us.

Jeramy and I have been talking about getting a third vehicle for a while because we do not like racking up a bunch of mileage on his truck, which we would like to last a while. However, since Jeramy has been laid off, taking on a car payment is not an option right now. But then an opportunity landed itself in our lap. My dad and stepmom owned this car, but it threw a timing belt when they were driving to Lake Chelan. They decided to buy a new car, so they were willing to let us take this one off of their hands. Jeramy replaced some parts including the head, and now the Cruiser is running great. It is a good car for me to drive to the Park and Ride every day, and it is an automatic so I can stop destroying the clutch in our Ford Contour.

Can I just say it is really nice to have a handy hubby! And thanks Dad and Cindy for helping us out!

Since I Wouldn't Want to Disappoint You

2009-11-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my friend Shanna and Facebook, I bring you this. I told you trashy mom really wasn't a stretch for me. Next year, perhaps I'll dress up as a classy, put-together mom. Now that would be a real costume!

Halloween

2009-11-01T20:23:00.000-08:00

Halloween is definitely one of my favorite holidays. And now that I have a kid to dress up it is especially fun. This year I dressed Jillian up as a lion. I was going for something cute and warm/fuzzy since I knew it would be cold. This costume certainly fit the bill. I tried to teach her to roar, but it wasn't quite happening. We took her to a Halloween get together at church first and then a party with friends. For the party I dressed up as a trashy mom. It really wasn't much of a stretch.

Here is a glimpse into our fun. There would have been more pictures, but my camera ran out of batteries.

Surprise Photos

2009-10-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

I love finding surprise photos on my camera. I downloaded pics from my camera card this evening and found this beauty. I have no idea who took it (probably Jeramy or my MIL...maybe one of them will tell me) and when this happened. But apparently Jillian likes jam!

2nd Trimester

2009-10-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

Today I am 13 weeks 3 days pregnant. 1/3 of the way to having another baby. Entering my 2nd trimester. SECOND trimester. Crazy, I know!

I have had a very easy first trimester as you know. No morning sickness. The sciatica is gone. I've been tired for sure, and Jillian's bedtime is often my bedtime. Of course the last time around, fatigue was much easier to handle because I could just fall asleep whenever I wanted without worrying that some little being living in my house would jump off the couch or unravel an entire roll of toilet paper.

We had the nuchal translucency scan on Monday. I got quite nervous after they measured the nuchal fold at 2.0mm, because that was higher than I remembered with Jillian. However they reassured me that it was fine, and because I didn't believe them I later confirmed with Dr. Google that this is the case. Phew! Now I just have to wait for the blood work.

Of course the real reason we even did this screen to begin with was to get a peek at the baby who was moving around quite a bit and making things tough for the technician. She got all sorts of good pictures of their profile, feet, etc. But for some reason, this is the one they printed out this one:
I think we're going to nickname this baby, the blob. I think the blob on the right is the head and the blob on the left is the body but I can't be sure. When the gal handed me this, I was sort of dumbfounded but lacked the energy to complain. Whatever. At least the blob is measuring ahead at 13 w 5 d (and this was a couple days ago). And the heartbeat was a nice 162bpm.

Thanks for all the advice on Jillian in my last post. My aunt was actually the first to suggest Roseola on facebook. The fever didn't seem to last long enough to be a textbook case, but everything else seems to match. Regardless, the rash has been gradually going away and hopefully it will be all cleared up by Halloween.

Poor Baby

2009-10-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, Jilliam started running a fever. Oh great, I thought to myself. With Jeramy gone, a sick baby was the last thing I wanted. Especially being pregnant with H1N1 going around. Well thankfully the fever was short lived and broke within 24 hours. However when I picked her up from my mother-in-law's, she had developed a rash. By Saturday morning she looked like puberty hit a decade early. It's not a good look, but she doesn't seem to mind.

The rash is worst on her face and in the diaper region, but she has these lovely red spots all over. I took her to the urgent care clinic, where the doctor was not particularly helpful. It could be something viral in which case it will likely pass in a few days, or it could be an allergic reaction so he has me giving her benadryl. So far the benadryl has not touch the rash, and it leaves me with a tired and grumpy Jillian (note to self, a drowsiness side effect doesn't always equal sleep). Luckily Jeramy surprised me by coming home Saturday night rather than Sunday, so he is here to listen to her cries and tantrums too.

While I was in DC a CD with Jillian's one-year pictures arrived. They turned out so great! If you live in the Seattle area, I highly recommend Keren Fenton who I found on a local message board for mom's. Here photography blog is here.

A Heartbeat

2009-10-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my twelve week appointment, and I was pretty nervous beforehand since it was the big heartbeat appointment. As Jeramy is off hunting in Eastern Washington this week I had to go alone, and I wasn't quite prepared to get bad news. I hate that moment when the OB is fishing around with the doppler trying to find that faint sound. After what felt like an eternity but was probably only a minute I got my relief. A solid 160 bpm. Phew!

Monday is the quad screen (or whatever the call it), and I'm pretty excited to get a peak. With Jillian I really loved that ultrasound because she actually looked like a baby as she wiggled all around. Jeramy will be back by then, and I know he is looking forward to it as he was pretty disappointed to miss my last appointment.

I must admit that I'm still in complete disbelief over being pregnant. It just seems so surreal dispite the confirmation of medical professionals over and over again that I am indeed with child. And it isn't just the lack of symptoms either. I am just really having difficulty grasping that we're going to be a family of four this spring. I've come up with several theories about this of course. Perhaps it's this whole "spontaneous" pregnancy thing that has caught me off guard. Or maybe it is that I'm so busy chasing after child #1 that I don't have as much time to ponder the wonders of being pregnant. Or perhaps it is because my last memories of being pregnant not so long ago involved being quite enormous and getting kicked by a rather active little girl. Who knows. But regardless of my disbelief, this is a blessing that I am more than happy to accept.

And every now and then throughout the day it hits me...holy crap, I'm pregnant!

Jillian Goes to Washington

2009-10-21T20:28:00.000-07:00

Taking a one year old by yourself on a plane across the entire country should be considered a special form of torture. I would know as Jillian and I got back from my business trip to Washington, DC last night. A few months ago, my MIL and I decided it would be fun if she and Jillian tagged along on my trip to see the sights since Jeramy would be out of town hunting. The one problem was that my MIL would have to be on a different airline where I had a free flight, and I would need to bring Jillian with me as a lap child. As the little Miss began walking, I started to dread the trip envisioning a screaming toddler screaming in my lap and wanting to run around in the middle of a full plane.

It turns out that the trip would be complete chaos at times, but not for the reasons I suspected.

Getting through security was of course a circus, and trying to get on the plane with a toddler, car seat, diaper bag, and laptop back was challenging. However, the plane ride went rather well. Since neither plane was full as I had feared, I was able to get a seat for Jillian and bring her car seat. She is always much more cooperative in a car seat. Both ways she fell asleep so quickly upon take off that I'm starting to consider plane rides as a solution for those sleepless nights. After a couple hour nap she'd wake up and play happily for a little while. About 4 hours in she'd start to get restless, so I stuck her in my hip carrier and we'd hang out at the back of the plane. Apparently watching flight attendants set up drink carts is completely enthralling. Then it would be time for a cookie. Soon after we'd begin descent and the five - six hours of trying to find ways to constantly entertain a 12 month old were finally over.

When I arrived in DC, I was feeling rather good about the whole experience. When I learned that my checked bag did not arrive due to a flood in the basement of Sea-Tac airport I was less thrilled. I had packed my carry on bags light since I would be by myself, so I had little for myself and Jillian besides the clothes on our back, a few diapers, and a bit of formula. My bag wouldn't get there for another 36 hours, so at 11:30pm at night I was at the drug store down the street from the hotel stocking up on baby essentials. The next morning, instead of seeing the sights, I had to catch a Taxi to a local mall in order to pick up clothes for Jillian and myself since I couldn't very well wear jeans to the conference starting that afternoon.

And that wouldn't have been so bad, but I got about three hours of sleep on the night we arrived. You see some kids next door decided that it would be a whole lot of fun to throw a party in their room. Considering that my work was footing a bill of $300 a night at the Ritz Carlton, I was not so thrilled about that. I called the front desk at 1am who came up, and they shut off the music. However I could still hear shouting. I went next door and asked them to quiet down twice explaining the sleeping one year old in my room. Apparently I was not persuasive (aka bitchy) enough. So at 2:30am I marched down to the front desk where management was not very happy to hear about the continued disruption of my sleep. After threatening to kick them out, the punk kids (don't I sound old?) finally got the hint. And I got my room free of charge for the night...so I guess my employer can thank me for the savings.

And just when I thought my problems were over, I discovered my debit card was missing and had to cancel it. Thank goodness nobody had charged anything on it inappropriately.

But wait, there is more. When I opened my suitcase this morning I discovered that an entire can of formula exploded over the contents. It is a big white powdery mess. I'm still trying to get that little mess cleaned up.

I know the trip probably sounds like hell, but really it wasn't all bad. My MIL and Jillian had a great time playing, and the conference I attended was excellent. It is admittedly nice to be back home though.

Now if only Jeramy would hurry back from hunting because this single parenthood business is for the birds. He'll probably be gone until Sunday afternoon though.

1 Year Appointment and Stuff

2009-10-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

Right after Jillian was born, I clearly recall the fear that consumed me at the prospect of taking her to the doctor (or anywhere in public for that matter). Mostly my fear revolved around whether she would cry the entire time, as she seemed to cry 20 out of 24 hours every day. Now I know that taking a newborn to the doctor is nothing compared to a one year old bursting with energy and destruction. In the past she has liked doctor visits because that meant attention which she is all about. However stranger anxiety has since set in making the whole experience so much more fun.

Jeramy had taken her to the appointment, and I arrived just after it began (thankfully after the 30 minute stay in the waiting room). When I found her she was crying quite pathetically on the scale. We then took her back to the waiting room where she proceeded to tear up the tissue sheet on the exam table piece by piece while screaming (her happy scream) as loud as possible. We tried letting her wander around, but those draws and cabinets proved far to interesting to let her stay on the ground for long. Then it came time for Dr. M's exam, which led to the unhappy screaming and was mostly performed while she was clinging to me. He deemed her a precocious child and warned us that toddler temper tantrums would develop early with this one (ummmm we noticed).

As usually she is perfectly average except for that head:
Weight: 21 lbs 5 oz
Height: 29 inches
Head circ: 19.25 inches

In other news, great advances have been made related to talking. In addition to yay, yeah, dog "dah", daddy "dada" and touchdown "tuh duh" she is finally saying something that sounds something like mama! Finally!

On the pregnancy front, 1st trimester has happily been symptom free until now. First, I've developed the itchiest boobs on the planet. Just like with Jillian I never have gotten sore boobs, just super itchy ones. Do you know of an appropriate way to itch your chest in public? I don't. It also seems that I'm developing some sciatica. It seems a bit soon for that given that this baby is about the size of a grape, but for the past few days I've had this horrible shooting pain in my lower left back/butt. It hurts like hell, and of course there isn't much I can do about it. *sigh* At least I'm not spending first tri puking my brains out. Nancy asked if I've began showing yet. No, but I'm curious to see when I'll start showing this time around. In my favor would be having two pregnancies so close together as ladies always seem to show earlier with the 2nd. Going against me is that I quite a bit of tummy leftover from being pregnant with Jillian. However, if people want to pretend that my tummy fat is a baby bump, I am not about to argue!

Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

We took Jillian on her first trip to the pumpkin patch today. I'm not sure who had more fun...her or her daddy! You can probably see why she is such a Daddy's girl. I don't know what I'm going to do with her when Jeramy goes hunting in another week.

Stepping Back a Couple Months

2009-10-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

I think that I went on the pill for the total of one month after my post-partum visit. After not taking birth control for two years, I had forgotten what a royal pain in the ass it was to remember to take a pill every single day. After making this complaint to Jeramy we decided to toss the pills. After all the worst case scenario was that I would get pregnant (which seemed laughable), and we would both be happy with what he termed a "freebie".

Over the spring and summer I noticed my period were a bit closer together than normal. Odd, but I didn't think much of it. In early August, I noticed some EWCM which is not uncommon for me and could or could not signal ovulation. My thought process around it was recorded in an email conversation with Sunny shortly afterwards when extending my congrats on her successful IUI:

"I had some EWCM the other day and thought should I have sex tonight? Maybe I'll get pregnant. Is that good or bad? Right now, I'm just trying not to think about it either way and just let what happens, happen. Of course that's not so easy. Two weeks from now if I don't get any more EWCM (I get it throughout my follicular phase for some strange reason), I'll start wondering if I'm pregnant. Ugh. It might just be better not to know anything about fertility at all!"

On August 20th (about two weeks later) I felt a little odd driving home from work. Indeed there had been no more EWCM. So on a whim, I picked up a pregnancy test although I was 95% sure it would be negative (why I even gave myself a 5% chance I don't know). After I picked up Jillian, I went home and POAS. And let me tell you, it is a whole lot harder to POAS when there is a mobile 10 month old in the room who has no qualms about reaching for the stick or a cup of urine. I set the stick on the counter and went into the kitchen to feed Jillian some dinner. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to grab a different shirt. I glanced over at the test and clearly saw two line. I can't remember my first thought exactly, but it was something along the lines of "What the hell is that? Two lines means pregnant, and there is no way I can be pregnant. Holy crap I'm freakin' pregnant?" I grabbed the test, walked into the kitchen and just stared at Jillian. "We're in for it now kid!"

Don't get me wrong. I was happy. But I was also in shock and in disbelief. And freaking out about the prospect of two under two. I instantly started doing math on due dates. I called my sister. I called my husband who was fishing (and shocked the heck out of him). I had my mother in law come over to keep me company. I looked in the refrigerator for something to drink. All I could find was beer and energy drinks. I was not prepared for this. What do I even do next? A infertile girl calls her RE and gets a beta. What on earth does a person do when they get pregnant without the assistance of medical professionals???

I stayed home the next morning and tried to convince my OB to do a beta based on those irregular cycles I have. I wasn't even sure when my LMP was. They stalled waiting for the doctor's permission. When I was almost to work they agreed to do the beta. So of course I turned around and went to their office 30 minutes back towards home. I had them order it stat because it was Friday and there was no way I could wait until Monday for the results. It came back at 209 (I was 210 with Jillian at 14dpo). We did a repeat on Sunday. That came in at 709 (I was 670 with Jillian at 16dpo). They did an u/s a few days later and it showed a sac measuring about 4 weeks, 5 days. On September 14th they had me come in for an u/s. There was a heartbeat and a little spot measuring 7 weeks, 2 days. My due date was set at May 2nd.

In all honesty, I've been having a difficult time believing that I'm pregnant at all. Just like with Jillian I have had no morning sickness. I know...knocked up unexpectedly and no m/s...you most certainly hate me by now. Plus I've just had this feeling along that somehow karma is going to bite me in the ass. It has been tough to escape this unavoidable feeling that something is going to go wrong at some point because how on earth could it be this easy?

I withheld this information from my blog because readership is wider now than it used to be. My family and friends read this blog, and I couldn't very well spill the beans until I had told them (we let people know at Jillian's party). It has not been easy news to contain from you all to say the least.

I am excited. I am nervous. I am optimistic. I am pessimistic. I am waiting for this all to finally feel real. Right now I feel like I'm pretending to be pregnant despite the visits to the OB, bloodwork and ultrasounds. I'm an impostor. I feel guilty because it was so easy for me. I didn't have to face the battle of IF treatments a second time. And how is that even fair when there are couples out there who never reach success a first time? How did I get to be so lucky? And yet I'm also completely scared of the prospect of having another when Jillian is just 19 months old. I mean I feel like I was just pregnant for goodness sake.

So that's where I am now. I'm waiting for the reassurance of hearing the heartbeat on October 21st. I'm hoping to reach 2nd tri when maybe I can take a small breath of relaxation and start to think about what might just be ahead of me.

Happy 1st Birthday!

2009-10-07T09:31:00.001-07:00

Thank you all for the congratulations on the last post. I'll share more very soon about what has been going on over the past several weeks. I will say that this new pregnancy was a surprise (although not prevented), and we are of course very excited about it. However, today is Jillian's first birthday and so I'd like to focus on her for this post.

For the past several days I've been thinking back to a year ago in my mind. A year ago it was my first day of maternity leave. A year ago I was waiting around anxiously for your arrival and now we're throwing a birthday party. A year ago I was having unbearable contractions that were getting me nowhere. A year ago we met our baby for the first time.

I remember bringing her home from the hospital. I was completely sleep deprived but couldn't sleep. My nerves were frazzled as the reality of the responsibility of parenthood weighed on me. I was somebody's mother. How on earth wouldn't I screw this up? The weeks of maternity leave seemed to stretch forever in front of me, and I wondered if I was capable of surviving it.

Those early days were tough. When I took her to the doctor regarding her constant crying, he assured me it was gas and that it would pass by the time she was 13 weeks old or so. When you have a 2 week old, 13 weeks old seems forever away. Finally by December the fussiness subsided, and smiles began to emerge. I was sleeping again somewhat regularly. And suddenly she became so much fun. Of course then she began moving and life became an adventure once again...

A year ago, I would have never dreamed that this is what my one year old would be like. Walking. Climbing. Copying everything we do from clapping to throwing two arms up in the air and saying touch down "tuh duh". Standing next to Cujo and begging for food as we eat dinner. Enjoying the loudest and most obnoxious toys. Snuggling. Laughing constantly.

Mommy and daddy love you Jillian. We hope your first birthday is just the first of many, many happy years to come.

7 Things You Don't Know About Me

2009-10-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

Nancy nominated me for the "Kreativ Award", and I am of course very honored! So here is the deal...

Rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7-Leave a comment on each

Honestly, this is not going to be an easy one. I've lived a very tame life, so really if you don't know something about me it is probably because it is rather boring (and ironically not the least bit "Kreativ").

1. I am horrible at sports. Mostly because I'm afraid of flying objects which tend to be inherent in sports. My friend convinced me to play soccer for a couple years in middle school and it didn't work out so well because every time the ball came near me I freaked out and closed my eyes. Oh and I don't like to run. At all.

2. I swear that I have the weakest bladder on the planet. Pregnancy, laughing, drinking the smallest amount of fluids, sneezing...all signal danger for me. My motto is visit the bathroom frequently.

3. I'm book smart, but a complete idiot when it comes to anything requiring common sense.

4. I think Jeramy can't carry a tune. Jeramy thinks I can't carry a tune. The reality probably is that neither of us can carry a tune. The only person who seems to like our singing is Jillian who could listen to us sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" for hours.

5. I had the most horrible teeth on the planet until my early twenties when I got braces. And not only did the fix require braces but two jaw surgeries costing thousands of dollars (thank goodness for insurance). Having my jaw wired shut two summers in a row completely sucked, but the end result was well worth it.

6. In the stereotypical relationship it is the husband who is absent-minded and a poor listener. In our relationship, it is me. I just have so many thoughts running around in my head sometimes, that it is difficult for me to stop and focus on what people are telling me. Surpringly, it hasn't hurt me too bad in terms of career. It completely pisses my husband off though.

7. I am 10 weeks pregnant and due on May 2nd.
And well now it seems a bit anti-climatic to nominate other bloggers.

We Have Survived

2009-10-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

We have survived the first birthday party. I even think that it went well. I must admit that I was nervous leading up to the even. I love having family and friends over, and we are certainly blessed to have a lot of them. But I always feel a bit inept as a hostess. There is so much to do between keeping everybody fed/hydrated, catching up with all the guests, giving tours of the house, singing happy birthday, serving cake and ice cream, opening presents... Thankfully Jeramy was there to pay attention to all the things I forgot like refilling the vegi and fruit trays and cleaning up the cake covered baby. Jillian, of course, made out like a bandit, and we discussed with friends the technique of hiding new toys and handing them out gradually.

I didn't get any pictures, but my friend Debi (best real estate agent ever) took tons of pictures for me without me even asking! And we did a 1 year photo shoot of Jillian at a nearby part on Saturday.

Yesterday night after the party, I asked Jeramy if my weekend could start now since we pretty much spent all of it preparing for the party. Then, as if to rub in the fatigue, Jillian woke every 30 minutes from 9:30pm - 12:30am. I think it was all the sugar and an upset belly. Jeramy handled all of those wake-ups since I had to work this morning, but I'm sure he is absolutely exhausted given that she decided to get up for good before 6am this morning. Poor guy.

Despite the Best Laid Plans...

Happy 2012...and I've Moved

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Oh Sh*t

Sleep Deprivation and Me

10 Months Old

The Joys of a SAHD

This and That

Cousins

Sick :(

Learning to Speak Jillian

A Healthy Check-up

Whining About Whining

9 Months

They Actually Exist!!!

A New Doo

Entering 2011 with Perspective

Hey There Seattle Bloggers

I'm Dreaming of a White...Thanksgiving

Wordless Wednesday

Um...hi

Dream Catcher Blanket

*Sigh*...She's Two

Wordless Wednesday

5 Months

Baby Shower

Losing It

23 Months

She's a Fatty

Nearing the end of Summer Weekends

4 Months

I Hate this Guy

Not Enough Hours in the Day

22 Months

Sibling Rivalry

Aunt Jen

Jillian and Hayden...a Pictoral Comparison

3 Months

21 Months

Chunky Monkey

Sisters

My Parenting Philosophy

Time to Get Caught Up

Getting Better

Drive By Post

Hayden's Birth Story

Hayden Catherine Yahne

Catching Up

Gorgeous Blanket

Family Photos

18 Months

Easter

4 weeks to go

No she doesn't have narcolepsy

17 Months

Newborns

The Joys of a SAHD

What I Love

Getting the All Clear on Hayden

These Boots are made for Walking

A Tough Weekend

Mega Cisterna Magna

16 Months

What Not to Wear - Baby Edition

Birth/Adoption Announcement Giveaway

Why it is Difficult to Update my Blog

Haiti

Fun Ways to Spend a Holiday

This and That

32

Fresh Starts are Tough on a Monday

End of a Decade

A Small Sign of Relief

Ways to Frighten a Hormonal, Emotional Pregnant Woman

Christmas

The Bump has a Name

Photos

And it's a healthy baby...

Tomorrow is the Big Day

Sigh...She's Two